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Day of Wrath - Tow Jockey Five Second Review Day of Wrath - Tow Jockey Five Second Review

repoman Written by repoman     September 06, 2012     751     
Day of Wrath - Tow Jockey Five Second Review

If I told you that this movie is about a Sheriff in 16th century Spain who is investigating a series of murders of local noblemen and that his quest for the truth leads him afoul of a sinister Hungarian assassin, the head of the Inquisition, and even the governor of the province itself and if I further told you that it is filled with intrigue and conspiracy and dark secrets, that it has sword duels and chases and romance and tales of unrequited love, you might think that this movie must be awesome. With a premise like that it must rock! But you would be wrong. So terribly terribly wrong. First, I don't know how many box tops Christopher Lambert had to send it before he received his license to call himself an actor but it was certainly far too few. Second, his fellow perpetrators in this defilement of cinema are no better. All the supporting cast should be ashamed of themselves. Third, the sets make the Styrofoam rocks in the original Star Trek series look like triumphs of realism. Fourth, the sword fights remind me of playground stick fights only slower and clumsier. Lastly, the eventual explanation for the mystery, outdone in many a Scooby-Do episode, is so contrived and tortured it will make you wish for a visit by the Inquisition. If I've been to subtle allow me to clarify, this movie is hideously bad.

Netflix Status: Really, your curious? Save yourself the trouble and go slam your hand in the car door. It'll be less painful and you won't have to wait for the mail. DVD only.

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Comments (16)
  • 2012-09-06 12:42:40 | avatarJeff White

    For some swordplay movies that flew under the radar and are actually good, check out Black Death with Sean Bean and Ironclad starring James Purefoy. Both are fantastic and I think still streaming on netflix.

  • 2012-09-06 16:19:36 | avatarDeath and Taxis

    Apart from the original Highlander, has Christoper Lambert starred in anything else actually worth watching?

  • 2012-09-06 16:20:47 | avatarrepoman

    He really sucks in Highlander as well. It's Sean Connery and the guy that plays the villain in that movie that make it good.

  • 2012-09-06 17:11:09 | avatarJeff White

    He was in a half decent ninja movie from the 90s... I forget the name of it though.

  • 2012-09-06 20:22:04 | avatariguanaDitty  - Highlander

    I hate to tell you guys, but Highlander sucks. I loved it a scant 15 years ago in college. I rewatched it a month ago (with Rifftrax no less). Horrible. Beyond description how bad it was. Lambert is terrible. Random characters get introduced and then whacked in the last 15 minutes of the movie. The Sean Connery character makes no sense at all and the Kurgen is a joke. The fight scenes even suck. My only explanation is that all the good stuff I thought was in the movie was actually in my head.
    The Queen song is still good, so there's that.

  • 2012-09-06 20:43:24 | avatarSpace Ghost  - re:
    Jeff White wrote:
    He was in a half decent ninja movie from the 90s... I forget the name of it though.

    Do you mean Mortal Kombat? That is all I can remember him that had ninjas.

  • 2012-09-06 23:56:36 | avatarAncient_of_MuMu

    Mortal Kombat is good, but Lambert is terrible in it. Luckily he has minimal screen time

  • 2012-09-07 03:52:49 | avatarJMcL63  - re:
    Jeff White wrote:
    For some swordplay movies that flew under the radar and are actually good, check out Black Death with Sean Bean and Ironclad starring James Purefoy. Both are fantastic and I think still streaming on netflix.


    Black Death is a very good little movie (I reviewed it back in 2010). Unreserved recommendation from this satisfied viewer. :)

  • 2012-09-07 03:59:48 | avatardaveroswell

    Lambert was great with the Steelers in the 70s.

  • 2012-09-07 05:47:03 | avatarKingPut

    Is this better or worse than Midnight Chronicals

  • 2012-09-07 07:45:48 | avatarJeff White

    I looked it up last night. The Hunted was the name of the ninja movie. I saw it on the theater on a whim, and I remember at the time liking it quite a bit. I have no idea if it's actually good though. Perhaps I'll re-watch it soon.

    Bad movies aside, I've got to give the man props ...he was married to Diane Lane. Wowza!

  • 2012-09-07 19:01:04 | avatarHatchling

    Just watched Black Death after reading the above comments. Blech, I didn't like that at all. What a miserable downer of a film. And the young monk's turn at the end didn't convince me. Ah well, to each their own.

  • 2012-09-08 00:34:05 | avatarSuperflyTNT

    i once had hope for Sean Bean, but no, the man is the king of B movies with a British accent. He is the Lambert of Britain, the United Kingdom's answer to Kevin Sorbo and Lorenzo Lamas.

    The man can do sword and armor or Black Ops Sergeant/Captain. That's the scope of his acting.

  • 2012-09-09 23:12:49 | avatarJMcL63  - re:
    Hatchling wrote:
    Just watched Black Death after reading the above comments. Blech, I didn't like that at all. What a miserable downer of a film. And the young monk's turn at the end didn't convince me. Ah well, to each their own.


    Shame you didn't like Black Death Hatchling. I don't remember being unconvinced by anything in the film, although I do recall one or two plot twists being a bit obvious. Other than that? Well you commented that it was a "miserable downer of a film". I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head there: Black Death certainly isn't a feelgood movie, which is one of its strengths IMO. Plague and religious fanaticism, feelgood? It just wouldn't've added up, would it? Different strokes and all, as you said. :).

  • 2012-09-10 09:30:35 | avatarhappyjosiah

    Got to agree with iguana here. Highlander is pretty terrible. Even the sword fighting has not aged well at all compared to more recent films.

  • 2012-09-12 11:51:18 | avatarhotseatgames

    I liked the first Highlander. His other watchable film was some B-movie about a futuristic prison where all the inmates have bombs in their bodies. I believe it's called Fortress.

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