New groups are hard

When I go to CABS, here in Columbus, I'm mostly there to play games. "I'm here to play games, not to meet new friends," is true, but sounds a lot harsher than it really is. There's lots of folks there that I know somewhat, some I consider friends, and some I generally try to avoid.

Edit: I was too slow, and VonTush did a much better job. I don't want to sit there in total silence, with the only conversation being "Take 4,", "Go," and, "Good game." I had enough of that with the hard-core Magic players. But I also don't want to spend 30 minutes talking about someone's second cousin and their liver disorder, unless you're a good friend. A little conversation with total strangers before and after the game seems perfectly fine, as well as a little discussion about games, while playing. "This reminds me of Glen More, but isn't nearly as boring." At the very least, helping setup/takedown is simply good manners.

Man, I still haven't found a good group here in MI. I found cool people, but I haven't really been able to hook up much. And with my divorce, I really don't have my gaming partner anymore.

It sucks. Come play games on Yucata.de with me.

Yeah, I should clarify. I don't mean to go back to the well of "gamers suck," which is where I should have seen this conversation going. I've just never had to insert myself in a game group at any point in the hobby completely cold. There's always been some connection in the room there, or someone who is willing to reach out instantly in the one or two situations where I haven't known anyone. I didn't mean to say that "This group was messed up," though I can see how people would come away with that. They are playing the way they want to, and I am the new guy. That's just the way things are, and my first night there is almost certainly not an indication.

I do find it weird that I had to go through a whole game explanation and then ask for someone's name, but that might just be my outgoing nature talking there. The whole idea of "I came here for games, not friends" is entirely foreign to me, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

I also want to get together with the guy who I originally contacted. He's been helpful and seems pretty cool. I'll go back to this group at least a couple more times too, since it won't really function for me at all without a little effort.

Last night I pulled a dumb move too. After we finished Impulse, I chose to check around and see what else was happening, just to get my bearings a little. I did this instead of playing whatever they were doing next, I think Castles of Burgundy. I should have just stuck with the people I already kind of knew, even if the game didn't thrill me. It was a mistake, because the table was full by the time I got back.

Part of this is that the game night setting isn't one that I've gravitated toward in a long time. Most of my best game times in the last few years have been with good friends, not at game nights. If it IS at a game night, it's usually a game that I made plans to play with friends.

So yeah, my intent wasn't to come down on this particular group. Just that the transition is tougher than I expected.

My two bits:

1) Join Magic booster drafts at the store. There is no time wasted with explaining games, everyone knows how to play, and you meet people one-on-one. I have found a greater percentage of fun people to game with playing Magic at a game store than going to a board game night. In fact, I don't recall ever having just a friendly non-game-related chat with a board-gamer at a store, but I tend to have friendly chats with Magic players nearly every match. Of course, the key words there are "percentage" and "greater", don't expect EVERYONE you play against to be cool. Your noobishness as a Magic player is a plus, as it'll help separate the wheat from the chaff: you'll get a mix of 1) cool, friendly advice 2) condescending, terrible advice 3) derision. Hopefully not much of the latter.

2) Don't go to a game store to make friends. Take a break from gaming, make friends and THEN play games with them. I feel pretty bad for people who do most of their gaming at "game nights" at stores; I think I actually would not play board games if that were my only outlet (I'd still play Magic, though). So then, maybe I'm not the best person to talk to.

Wait, I just realized: you said this gaming night costs MONEY? WTF? DEFINITELY draft, then, at least you get something back for your money.

I've only this year ever gone to a meetup group to game with strangers. Prior to that it was gaming with friends and family. Relying on friends and family is fine...however none of them are as deeply engrossed in the hobby as I am. It led to me buying all the games, teaching all the games, hosting the games nights. It was very fun, but after several years it got tiresome. I started to loathe getting a new game to the table. Luckily my friends/family were just as happy to play older stuff as they were to play something brand new. Then a new problem arose. Life. Friends were getting married, starting families. People move. It made getting together more difficult and it made gaming seem secondary.

So this winter I went out to a local meetup for the first time. I'm not a nervous person and I actually enjoying meeting new people. The meetup I was going to was fairly newish and they seemed to be tight knit, but very hopeful about growing the group. They were some very fun and hospitable people...especially the organizers. I never felt unwelcome or like I was intruding. They play a mix of new and old games. Though you see more new Euros than pretty much anything else. Sure a few people in the group fit the horrid, no social skill, smelly person stereotype...but they were the exception rather than the rule. To be honest it's a really great group of gamers and they're not the game first, don't wanna know yer name types. We would always chat in between games...about life, beer, vacations etc... I haven't been all summer because they meet up on Saturdays and I'm a beach bum. I'm looking forward to playing with them in Sept.

I still prefer gaming with close friends. Nothing beats it. However, the group I managed to stumble across is really pleasant. I wish I could justify going more to be honest.

Also, I'd love to get together everyone once and a while with Repo, Uba, Josh Look, Loter, Engineer Al and the rest of the CT G:AT crew...I've meet a few of them at Conn Con and they're all extremely nice and outgoing. Repo can teach Pax Porfiriana like a mother fucking champ!

dragonstout wrote: 2) Don't go to a game store to make friends. Take a break from gaming, make friends and THEN play games with them. I feel pretty bad for people who do most of their gaming at "game nights" at stores; I think I actually would not play board games if that were my only outlet (I'd still play Magic, though).

I reject your pity!
Joking aside, I've met a bunch of very nice, friendly and interesting people. Though I'd also be lying by omission if I didn't include the people I've met who are awkward and not without their own quirks. And just about everyone dabbles in both sides of the spectrum to some degree.

They're just people living their own life who found gaming friends at a shop. And I'm one of those chaps.

EDIT: I should add though that I missed the time this guy, who I had no idea was a hot-head, tried to kick another player under the table (almost flipping it in the process) one night and another night where he put his foot through one of the front pillars outside of the store.

Shellhead wrote:

jpat wrote: So my preferred venue for gaming these days is with friends, and friends of friends. This is unfortunate, because most of my friends are busy much of the time, so gaming is uncommon. I live within two miles of both the FFG Event Center and a great local gaming store, both of which host open gaming seven days a week. But both venues tend to be overrun by these losers who can barely function as sociable human beings.

For what it's worth, I have now played boardgames with more than a half dozen different people that I met through F:AT. Every one of them was fun to play with, and none displayed this weird absence of social skills that I have been seeing at local gaming venues.

Shellhead, we should make an effort to get together sometime, I live in Cambridge, about 45 min. from the cities. Most of my game group has moved away recently (one is moving this week to Stillwater) and have a hard time making it to meet-ups and gamestore events, as I have small children and my gaming time is limited to later evenings.

We talked briefly in the past about playing Junta. Or I think it was you.

San Il Defanso said:

Last night I pulled a dumb move too. After we finished Impulse, I chose to check around and see what else was happening, just to get my bearings a little. I did this instead of playing whatever they were doing next, I think Castles of Burgundy. I should have just stuck with the people I already kind of knew, even if the game didn't thrill me. It was a mistake, because the table was full by the time I got back.

Sometime that will happen to me at CABS. I'll wander around after gaming with strangers and find nothing exciting going on. In that case, I'll call it an early night.

I've had pretty decent luck sticking with the pickup groups in cases like that. I'd bet that you've played more games than a lot of these folks have, so after the first game throw something out there that's similar. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

dragonstout wrote:

1) Join Magic booster drafts at the store. There is no time wasted with explaining games, everyone knows how to play, and you meet people one-on-one. I have found a greater percentage of fun people to game with playing Magic at a game store than going to a board game night. Of course, the key words there are "percentage" and "greater", don't expect EVERYONE you play against to be cool. Your noobishness as a Magic player is a plus, as it'll help separate the wheat from the chaff: you'll get a mix of 1) cool, friendly advice 2) condescending, terrible advice 3) derision. Hopefully not much of the latter.

When I'm bitching about surly Magic players, I'm talking more about stuff like States or PTQs. I wasn't really very talkative or friendly in those tournaments either, unless I knew you well. Fast forward 14 years and one kid later, and now I don't want to wear that serious of a game face. But Friday Night Magic and other store tournaments were usually lots of fun. Anytime I see one at the local store, I get the urge to take up cardboard crack again.

Sounds good, but I started gaming with strangers more than 30 years ago, and I have seen a definite change just in recent years. Maybe things are different where you live.

One possible factors is the Eurogames. The very nature of those games tends to discourage table talk, because everybody is silently running the numbers in their heads, and casual conversation would only disrupt their thoughts. AmeriTrash games aren't necessarily mindless, but they do tend to offer more direct player interaction, even if just attacks.

edulis wrote:

Shellhead wrote:

jpat wrote: So my preferred venue for gaming these days is with friends, and friends of friends. This is unfortunate, because most of my friends are busy much of the time, so gaming is uncommon. I live within two miles of both the FFG Event Center and a great local gaming store, both of which host open gaming seven days a week. But both venues tend to be overrun by these losers who can barely function as sociable human beings.

For what it's worth, I have now played boardgames with more than a half dozen different people that I met through F:AT. Every one of them was fun to play with, and none displayed this weird absence of social skills that I have been seeing at local gaming venues.

Shellhead, we should make an effort to get together sometime, I live in Cambridge, about 45 min. from the cities. Most of my game group has moved away recently (one is moving this week to Stillwater) and have a hard time making it to meet-ups and gamestore events, as I have small children and my gaming time is limited to later evenings.

We talked briefly in the past about playing Junta. Or I think it was you.

I am definitely interested in meeting up sometime to play some games. At the moment, I am under self-imposed lockdown. I recently started a new job after a long search, so I tend to be mentally drained during the early weeks on the job. I've also got a renter moving in soon, so I still have some work to do to get the space ready: upgrade the electrical outlets, paint, clean, etc. Maybe we could set something up for mid-September?