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Kevin Klemme
March 09, 2020
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Kevin Klemme
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Kevin Klemme
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Mycelia Board Game Review

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December 12, 2023
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December 07, 2023
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River Wild Board Game Review

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November 30, 2023
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Outback Crossing Review

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× A place for boardgame traitors.

Let's design the worst videogame of all time!

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28 May 2014 11:36 #179116 by SuperflyPete
- Rambo like main characters with a penchant for misogyny, but translated from Japanese by a non-English speaker.

- Boss battles that require you to hit flashing red spots, but the spots are the fastest-moving objects on the screen, and also serve to remind you that you're not actually a super-soldier, but rather a fat guy with a joystick.

- Checkpoints that appear once per level, and just before the end of a level.

- Save game files that become corrupt every time a patch is released.

- "forked-path" storylines that force you to make decisions that affect the rest of the game, and only one save game slot.

- Subtitles in large font that cannot be turned off.

- Cutscenes that cannot be skipped, and that restart every time you press any button.

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28 May 2014 11:45 #179119 by Black Barney
Make sure the name of your game begins and ends with: Aliens, Colonial Marines

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28 May 2014 18:01 #179139 by Aarontu
You need to sign in with Facebook to access anything beyond the third level.
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28 May 2014 18:06 #179140 by Aarontu
Some levels in the single player campaign are multiplayer matches.

Pay to win style microtransactions.

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28 May 2014 19:14 #179142 by Legomancer
a rising water level that doubles as an escort mission
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28 May 2014 19:48 #179145 by Michael Barnes
3d platforming with a bad camera.

One of the most asinine things ever said by a game designer was when Warren Spector claimed that all of the complaints about Epic Mickey's ATROCIOUS camera (among other complaints) were because the reviewers expected it to have a "3D platforming camera" when it was intentionally designed with an "adventure game camera". Seriously, guy?

Anyway, the worst video game of all time needs to have Something to Say About America as well as feminist concepts written by men to impress girls. You also need a woman to run around and throw ammo and health at you in the middle of a firefight. Also, the important themes should resonate with the player as you press up for 90% of the game and shoot muthafukkas in they face. The hero of the game should be a one man psychotic slaughterhouse with a conscience.

You should also never be able to jump off of cliffs or walk past knee-high bushes.
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28 May 2014 20:05 #179146 by Aarontu
Swamp level.

Water = instant death

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28 May 2014 20:16 #179147 by hotseatgames
With all due respect, Barnes, you just described one of the greatest games of all time, Hotline Miami.

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28 May 2014 20:46 #179148 by Sagrilarus
Several hours of download prior to first play, with GameStop-style promo materials playing as it comes down.

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28 May 2014 21:00 #179149 by SebastianBludd
- Enemy AI that oscillates between "Dumb as a bag of hammers" and "Omniscient, all-seeing deity".

- Timed puzzles that require reloading from a save state if you fail.

- Show-stopping bugs that require God mode to circumvent.

- Needlessly tedious and complicated inventory management.

- Endless weapons and weapon customizing but only one of them is worth using and you get it 1/3 of the way into the game.

- The player character's voice is provided by Gilbert Gottfried.
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