ThirstyMan Memorial Bartending Intervention

I've come to a conclusion. Bad reviewers aren't killing this hobby and driving away new players. Hosts that don't know how to stock and work a bar are the primarily responsible. Many times, I've desperately rummaged through the host's stock only to find a five year old bottle of peppermint schnaps, vodka, and Jagermeister. This is simply unacceptable.

Please chug any spirit not on this list, or otherwise quarantine the bottle:

Light rum
Cognac
Hendrick's Gin
Bombay Sapphire Gin (or Plymouth)
Rye or Scotch
Bourbon (I carry Eli Craig. Deal with it.)
Citron vodka

This means you don't need regular vodka, tequila, or dark rum. Unless you're really into shitty martinis, margaritas or your grandmother's punch, I guess vOv

Place the following bottles under the base spirits:

Vermouth (sweet and dry)*
Disaronno
Cointreau
Chambord
Sav Blanc*

*Refrigerate anything under 25% unless you know me from an AA meeting.

Have a bar fridge, and stock it thusly:

Simple syrup
Lemons
Limes
Oranges
Maraschino cherries
Olives
A variety of juices (at least orange and cranberry)
A few bottles of Perrier

You really don't need a lot more than this to rival most neighborhood bars. Anything else is based on your personal preference, but keep it minimal. For instance, I carry the following extras:

St Germain (fuck it, this is an essential)
Apple schnapps
Pear vodka
Galliano
Creme de Cacao
Weed

With this setup in every gaming house, our hobby will flourish. Stop being one of 'those' people.

I got a bottle of Canadian Club rattling around in the basement left over from Dad's drinking days and a three pack of skunked Coors Light.

When you coming over?

repoman wrote: ...a three pack of skunked Coors Light.

Does it taste better skunked? I might be willing to give it another chance like that.

All I need is some Kettle One/Grey Goose/Ciroc, some lime juice and a shitload of ice. Vodka Gimlets all night. You can't have a bar without straight Vodka...If it's got a flavor than it ain't vodka (at least that's what they told me when I was in Russia).

My guests usually quench their thirst on some micro brews...I'm usually the only one that goes for the hard shit. However, I'll gladly tend bar for anyone that is up for a cocktail or two...Trust me I don't fuck around when it comes to hosting anything.

I'm sorry but where's the Jameson's Irish Whisky? Your bar, sir, is woefully under stocked. Nor do I like flavored vodka martinis which is why I don't drink gin. It's just flavored vodka.

Jameson's with a beer chaser preferably Maudite. Two thumbs up for Egg Shen's recipe as well!

Nothing but the finest for my guests. I provide a pitcher of off-brand Mountain Dew mixed with Golden Grain. For those who might be driving, I offer 1 (one) can of Trader Joe's "Simpler Times" lager. Once all the nerds leave, I break out the Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

Michael Barnes wrote: Nothing but the finest for my guests. I provide a pitcher of off-brand Mountain Dew mixed with Golden Grain. For those who might be driving, I offer 1 (one) can of Trader Joe's "Simpler Times" lager. Once all the nerds leave, I break out the Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

I hope you are talking about Sam's Club Green Lightning.

In college, we lived off of Mountain and Bacardi 151.

Of course I am. How else would you make a trailer park margarita?

Michael Barnes wrote: Nothing but the finest for my guests. I provide a pitcher of off-brand Mountain Dew mixed with Golden Grain.

Are you related to the Honey Boo Boo child? She's from Georgia as well.

I prefer Tanqueray and Tonic, and if that's not available, Guinness, Newcastle, or Bass.

I only ever drink:
Don Julio Reposado, no exception
MacAllan Sherry Oak 15+
Johnnie Walker Black or Green (or better...lol)
Rasputin or Grey Goose (or Tito's Handmade)
Couvosier
Cointreau
Eagle Rare Bourbon or Jack Daniels
Jameson Irish (I was addicted to alcohol based on this alone)

The days of a gallon of Popov or 2 bottles of Mezcal in Mexico and wondering if I was going to make it out alive...they're long, long gone.

Now if I have a drink, I make it so expensive that I can't afford to do what I'd probably do if left alone with a company credit card and a bar.

In all honesty, being able to begin to build a bar with my favorite top shelf stuff is one of the biggest pleasures of having a real job after so long as a grad student.

If you're going to call Hendrick's an essential, then you need to include cucumbers in the required extras. There is no substitute.

Also, don't overlook good beers, especially if you're still trying to pretend you're gaming instead of just mixing drinks.

This is a cocktail bar, not a sipping bar dammit. Why would you ever use Jamesons over Rye for mixing? Goddamn. You keep a separate section of your bar for sipping whiskey, VSOP/XO cognac, scotch, good vodka, and high end tequila.

Vodka is an awful cocktail spirit, and the one telltale sign of an inexperienced bartender. Mixing with vodka is like using a flavorless spice when cooking. 90% of the time, citron vodka is the suitable replacement. Even a simple Caesar, Bloody Mary, or Highball can be improved with a variation. Oddly, the best vodkas for mixology are the ones with more "character", which make them flavored vodkas by default.

For the most popular cocktails, you have:

Citron - Wallbanger/Screwdriver
- Cosmopolitan
- Vodka gimlet
- Peach breeze
- Apple martini (or any fruit martini)

Gin - Caesar (serve with skewered pickle)
- Martini
- Gimlet

Cucumber Vodka - Vodka Highball
- Bloody Mary

Bourbon - Caesar (serve with BBQ sauce and horseradish)

You get the idea, though I've missed some. A good bar will only carry vodka for the circumstance when the guest specifically asks for it. A great bar will carry a good selection of flavored vodkas for that purpose, unless it's to be sipped neat.

Not Sure wrote: If you're going to call Hendrick's an essential, then you need to include cucumbers in the required extras. There is no substitute.

Also, don't overlook good beers, especially if you're still trying to pretend you're gaming instead of just mixing drinks.

Welp, I knew I forgot something! Cucumbers were invented to go with Hendrick's. Beer is one thing, entertaining is another. Gotta have both.