ThirstyMan Memorial Bartending Intervention

I prefer Tanqueray and Tonic, and if that's not available, Guinness, Newcastle, or Bass.

I only ever drink:
Don Julio Reposado, no exception
MacAllan Sherry Oak 15+
Johnnie Walker Black or Green (or better...lol)
Rasputin or Grey Goose (or Tito's Handmade)
Couvosier
Cointreau
Eagle Rare Bourbon or Jack Daniels
Jameson Irish (I was addicted to alcohol based on this alone)

The days of a gallon of Popov or 2 bottles of Mezcal in Mexico and wondering if I was going to make it out alive...they're long, long gone.

Now if I have a drink, I make it so expensive that I can't afford to do what I'd probably do if left alone with a company credit card and a bar.

In all honesty, being able to begin to build a bar with my favorite top shelf stuff is one of the biggest pleasures of having a real job after so long as a grad student.

If you're going to call Hendrick's an essential, then you need to include cucumbers in the required extras. There is no substitute.

Also, don't overlook good beers, especially if you're still trying to pretend you're gaming instead of just mixing drinks.

This is a cocktail bar, not a sipping bar dammit. Why would you ever use Jamesons over Rye for mixing? Goddamn. You keep a separate section of your bar for sipping whiskey, VSOP/XO cognac, scotch, good vodka, and high end tequila.

Vodka is an awful cocktail spirit, and the one telltale sign of an inexperienced bartender. Mixing with vodka is like using a flavorless spice when cooking. 90% of the time, citron vodka is the suitable replacement. Even a simple Caesar, Bloody Mary, or Highball can be improved with a variation. Oddly, the best vodkas for mixology are the ones with more "character", which make them flavored vodkas by default.

For the most popular cocktails, you have:

Citron - Wallbanger/Screwdriver
- Cosmopolitan
- Vodka gimlet
- Peach breeze
- Apple martini (or any fruit martini)

Gin - Caesar (serve with skewered pickle)
- Martini
- Gimlet

Cucumber Vodka - Vodka Highball
- Bloody Mary

Bourbon - Caesar (serve with BBQ sauce and horseradish)

You get the idea, though I've missed some. A good bar will only carry vodka for the circumstance when the guest specifically asks for it. A great bar will carry a good selection of flavored vodkas for that purpose, unless it's to be sipped neat.

Not Sure wrote: If you're going to call Hendrick's an essential, then you need to include cucumbers in the required extras. There is no substitute.

Also, don't overlook good beers, especially if you're still trying to pretend you're gaming instead of just mixing drinks.

Welp, I knew I forgot something! Cucumbers were invented to go with Hendrick's. Beer is one thing, entertaining is another. Gotta have both.

OK. Make way, make way, expert approaching.

You have to be a hell of a lot more imaginative when you live in a country that does not allow you to buy alcohol (even in hotels). Luckily, this means that whatever old shit you have will always be gratefully received by the punters. For those in such a situation (probably just me but WTF);

Several large water bottles filled with pure ethanol (99% pure because it says so on the cleaning fluid barrel) marked PURE. You only go blind if there are traces of Methanol...there isn't. Sometimes helps to drop some coloured food dye into them so you don't accidently pour it into the kettle and try to make tea with it (not a nice experience).

Several large water bottles marked CUT which are cut to about 30% with water.

Juniper berries, orange peel, lemon peel and muslin bags. Put chosen flavouring in muslin bag and suspend over pure ethanol (stick in bottle and screw lid on top), the hydroscopic nature of the alcohol will pull the flavouring into the ethanol, do not immerse the bag in the liquid just suspend above the liquid.

Jack Daniels wood chips. Immerse in pure ethanol then cut after a week or so.

Large bucket of home made beer and/or bottled beer prepared earlier if you are fancypants.

Numerous bottles of dodgy home made wine from various sources to be used when in the mood for 'minesweeping' at the end of the evening.

Trays of tonic water, coke and sprite for mixing.

Non alcoholic drinks not really required and not understood (who would drink them in TKWIL?)

Alcoholism is defined in this country as continual drinking for more than 72hrs non stop. Less than this, you are just normal.

Things like cucumbers will get laughed at.

For the really exotic, large water melon hung up with top sliced off, scooped out about half the flesh and filled with sugar. Let hang for a week, refill with sugar. One week later punch a hole in the bottom, hey presto, melon liqueur!!

Hide ALL smuggled 'real' alcohol as you don't want your ignorant punters drinking the gold stuff when they are happy with computer cleaner + flavouring.

You need a hug, a good gin and tonic, and a properly mixed redneck margarita.

Grain alcohol and Country Time Lemonade mixed in a Jack Daniel's bottle.

Trashfest North at SaMoKo's place and everyone's invited! Woo!

Here's a good example of the shit that passes for normality here. I proof read an article by a colleague a few weeks ago and it took me maybe a couple of hours, in total, to write corrections etc. He was very grateful and today brought in 1/2 litre of Johnny Walker Red Label (smuggled in from Duty Free, plastic bottle) as a token of thanks for me.

In the real world, this shit costs maybe $7. Here, should you wish to buy it on the black market, it would be $80 but that would be if you could find it at all (usually, you would have to buy 12 fullsize bottles at $150 a bottle). Hence, it is priceless. Now that's what I call good payment for 2 hours work!!

I will be at WBC demonstrating the art of drinking continuously whatever fatuous rules they develop to try to stop me drinking my own shit in Open Gaming. Do these people think I know nothing about smuggling? People just don't realise how important it is that I drink a lot when I go to WBC. You can join me, if you have the stamina and you are not a fun murdering bastard. It's only a week for God's sake. Repoman's year of shame will be up, so lotsa fun will be had by all. Bring it on!!