So I ran out before work today, and picked up a 13lb Free Range Turkey. Will have sister and her beau, cousin and his wife, and a couple friends over for dinner tomorrow.

I like cooking. Being a celiac means I can't just go *out* for wings, I need to make my own. I cook maybe half my meals from scratch (not counting pouring a bowl of cereal, but like actually COOKING.)

My sister is a cook. She's in charge of gravy. I never mastered the stuff. I have been recently using webcam to teach a young, helpless male american how to make stuff like STIR FRY. Steaks. Baked chicken. His mother flat out didn't let him near the stove growing up. He's not alone, when you see how often we as a nation go out to eat.

THIS, however www.todaysbigthing.com/2010/11/23 THIS is amazing feat of cooking. A special meal for friends - with the total running to about 79,000 calories. Warning though - not a video for vegetarians. Holy crap.

The short version - take 5 birds, take the meat off, form a layered loaf with stuff like sausage and bacon, sticking a cornish game hen in. Stick inside of a deboned turkey, cover with bacon, roast, stick inside of big, smoke-roast. Serve. Did I mention the bacon and croissant stuffing?

Food like that is a challenge. Like a mountain to be climbed.

When Thaad writes stick inside of a "big" she means "PIG". This thing is a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig. With bacon and croissants.

It's a Russian Doll meal!
So where do you get the whole Ostrich that you put everything else inside?

Woops. Pig. not big. Big pig?

I have some older cookbooks, that say stuff like 'ask your butcher to galantine the bird' and others giving 'easy' instructions on how to do that - remove the bones, with the rest of it mostly in one piece. Not sure how many butchers still do 'requests' however. I go to one that does, but while they're awesome, I don't think they're THAT awesome.

I would worry about cooking times, and if they could get the temperature right. And where does the fat drain from, from the ingot-of-bird?!

My turkey tomorrow will be far simpler :D