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× Talk abut Movies & TV here. Just tell us what you have been watching. Have hyper-academic discussions on visual semiotics. Whatever, it's all good.

Lord of the Rings recast

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07 Aug 2012 15:28 #132114 by Black Barney
With the news that Mad Max, Superman, Wizard of Oz and 100 other movies are all getting reboots, I started thinking it was time to reboot the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I threw my neck out yesterday morning looking at my daughter in the back seat while driving so I'm at home today with a super stiff neck and have nothing better to do. So here is the fruit of my efforts:

Gimli = Zach Galifinakis
Denethor = Brian Cranston
Boromir = Liam Hemsworth
Faramir = Chris Hemsworth
Gollum = Emma Stone (no makeup required)
Galadriel = Tilda Swinton. Or Scarlett Johannsen. Both would be good.....or Frances MacDormind(sp?)
Bilbo = Gerard Depardieu
Elrond = That amazing actor from Ingloriuos Basterds who played the Jew Hunter
Aragorn = maybe someone who can act this time. How about Danny Houston?

random hobbit that gets killed = Justin Beiber

Sam = Jeremy Renner
Merry = Mark Ruffalo
Pippen = Edward Norton
Frodo = Bradley Whitford (genius)

Grima = Bill Murray

Gandalf = Richard Jenkins

Legolas = Ryan Gosling (it's not even close)


Arwen = Gwyneth Paltrow (as long as she doesnt speak English)
Eowyn = Heather Graham
Eomer = Bruce Willis


I refuse to recast Theoden cuz I'd want to play him myself so bad.

So in good dork fashion, let's discuss and tweak where possible.

If someone says Kristen Stewart would likely get the role of Arwen, I will empty out into your hair.

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07 Aug 2012 15:41 #132117 by Grudunza
I have nothing to add, but good job, Barney. I especially like Bill Murray as Grima. :o)
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07 Aug 2012 15:54 #132119 by Black Barney
thanks, I think he would nail that role (not overdo it). I realize the hard part in casting this stuff is that it's all about the hobbits so you have to have solid guys there.

Saruman is impossible to cast. It's like Christopher Lee was born to play that role. We need someone who would be an obvious mentor to Richard Jenkins' gandalf and not get upstaged by Bill Murray (almost impossible).

How about something weird like Richard Dreyfuss?

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07 Aug 2012 16:00 #132120 by Ken B.
Replied by Ken B. on topic Re: Lord of the Rings recast
Age him up and put Daniel Craig in as Saruman.

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07 Aug 2012 16:39 #132123 by SuperflyPete
I'm with Barney....Saruman and Christopher Lee are inseperable.

That said, Gary Oldman could do an admirable job. After seeing the TTSS reboot with him, he can do old really well.

John Hurt could do it, but I'll always think of him as an android (synthetic person)
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07 Aug 2012 17:20 #132129 by SaMoKo
Replied by SaMoKo on topic Re: Lord of the Rings recast
Frank Zappa should be Gandalf but he's dead so I guess a bunch of old clips and computer animations should be used.

Kristen Steward should get the role of one of those corpses in the swamp because a corpse is just about the only thing she can act as. That or a heroine junkie, but there aren't any of those in the movie so a corpse it is. Also, make Gondor all black guys and cast Cuba Gooding Jr. as Boromir to piss off the nerds. The whole fellowship meeting in Rivendell was boring as shit and should be redone as a musical number.

Casting Daniel Crag as anything but James Bond is bullshit because that would keep him from putting out more Bond movies, and he's a great Bond. Fuck him being in nerd movies, Lord of the Rings gets Dalton.
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07 Aug 2012 18:32 #132135 by Black Barney
I was actually going to suggest something like Samuel L Jackson as Boromir but I felt I was taking too much of a risk. That means that Denethor and Faramir are black and that the entire ruling council-stuff of Gondor would likely be black. This isn't a sci-fi.

hmmm... I want Sammy Jackson in the movie tho. Maybe as the Castamir of Umbar? Or just that crazy-lookin' Southron that rides the Mumak?

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07 Aug 2012 20:02 #132140 by SaMoKo
Replied by SaMoKo on topic Re: Lord of the Rings recast

Black Barney wrote: I was actually going to suggest something like Samuel L Jackson as Boromir but I felt I was taking too much of a risk. That means that Denethor and Faramir are black and that the entire ruling council-stuff of Gondor would likely be black. This isn't a sci-fi.

hmmm... I want Sammy Jackson in the movie tho. Maybe as the Castamir of Umbar? Or just that crazy-lookin' Southron that rides the Mumak?


Gah, why do the black bros always have to be the bad guys? Samuel L Jackson would give a kickass war speech and would probably have Sauron himself pissing his pants. It's obvious the Mexicans would make better villains anyways. They can be the orcs and the Gondorians the border patrol. Denethor would literally be Joe Arpaio.

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07 Aug 2012 20:34 #132149 by clockwirk
"I have had it with these motherfuckin' orcs on this motherfuckin' field of Pellanor!"
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07 Aug 2012 20:41 #132151 by Black Barney
...and then a Fell Beast eats him halfway through his speech

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07 Aug 2012 21:01 #132155 by Ken B.
Replied by Ken B. on topic Re: Lord of the Rings recast

Black Barney wrote: ...and then a Fell Beast eats him halfway through his speech


"A Warg ate me! A MOTHERFUCKIN' WARG ATE ME!"

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07 Aug 2012 21:05 - 07 Aug 2012 21:16 #132156 by SuperflyPete
Forgot a few:

Hayden Christiansen as Treebeard...there is no stiffer actor.
Andrew Dice Clay as Tom Bombadil...

"I be Tom Bombadil
Tom Bombadillo
Fuck witch me and I'll
smother your mother
with a mother fuckin' pillow... OOOOOOWWW"


Jocelyn Wildenstein as the head troll at Weathertop
DJ Qualls or Donatella Versace as Gollum
Michael Berryman as Uglúk
Shane MacGowan as Gorbag
Last edit: 07 Aug 2012 21:16 by SuperflyPete.

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07 Aug 2012 22:43 #132164 by Hex Sinister
This is going to be a "classy" SyFy Channel premiere right? You're missing Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams (of Brady Bunch fame). I'm thinking Judd Nelson as Wormtongue. :p
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07 Aug 2012 22:49 #132165 by SuperflyPete
Don't forget C. Thomas Howell...

(C stands for Cantact)

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07 Aug 2012 22:56 #132169 by Hex Sinister
Who's dick did Anthony Michael Hall have to suck to get 2 seconds in Nolan's Batman? I want to nominate him for Elrond.

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