What is the Worst Kung Fu Movie That You've Seen?

Gymkata is the worst kung fu movie that I can remember seeing. There might be something worse, but the memory has been successfully blotted out. Anyway, Gymkata stars Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas, master of a mysterious (and fictitious) martial art based on gymnastics. Including pommel horse. That's right, pommel horse. The low point (or highlight perhaps) of the movie is when a mob of middle eastern peasants attacks him in their town square, which has a suspiciously pommel horse-shaped statue right smack in the middle. Mayhem ensues, featuring a variety of circles, flairs, scissors and uh, kehrswings.

What is the worst kung fu movie that you've seen?

Hot damn, Gymkata. Starring Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Thomas. EVERYBODY remembers the pommel horse scene.

Believe it or not, that picture was directed by Robert Clouse. Who also did Enter the Dragon.

It's bad, but believe it or not, there is WORSE.

What comes immediately to my mind are a pair of little seen, little remembered South African Martial Arts pictures (one of which claimed to be the "Greatest Hollywood Martial Arts Film of All Time" even though it wasn't Hollywood at all". The Wikipedia summaries pretty much say it all:

Kill or Be Killed: A famous martial artist, Steve Hunt (James Ryan), travels to the desert for what he thinks is an Olympic-style competition. The competition turns out to be a trap set by Baron von Rudloff (Norman Coombes), an ex-Nazi General who is still bitter over the humiliating defeat of his martial arts team at the 1936 Summer Olympics by Japanese martial artist Miyagi (Raymond Ho-Tong). Steve wants to escape when his girlfriend and fellow karateka, Olga (Charlotte Michelle), is deemed unsuitable to continue as part of von Rudloff's team. When Steve and Olga make their escape, von Rudloff sends his sympathetic dwarf henchman Chico (Danie DuPlessis) to travel around the world to recruit the best fighters for his team

Let me just recap: Nazis, "fellow karateka Olga", dwarf henchman Chico. You DO want to see this, don't you?

Kill and Kill Again: The plot involves Steve Chase (James Ryan), trying to stop the evil Marduk from amassing an army of mind-controlled karate slaves and taking over the world. Steve is assisted by Gorilla, the strongman (Ken Gampu); Gypsy Billy, the "former champion of the world", Norman Robinson; The Fly, the mystic (Stan Schmidt), and Hotdog, the gimmicky weapon-expert and theoretical comic relief (Bill Flynn). Also on Steve's team is Kandy Kane (Anneline Kriel), a woman claiming to be the daughter of Dr. Kane, who invented the potato-based mind-control serum that Marduk uses on his army.

The movie is characterized by confusing dialogue and a plot that's largely taken from Bruce Lee films (Steve Chase must defeat Marduk's champion The Optimus in a karate tournament), although the martial arts scenes are considered by some to be surprisingly accurate (especially in the final karate tournament) ignoring the constant backflips Steve Chase uses to get anywhere.

Not sure why Steve changes his last name between the films, but yes, the second one is even better.

Wikipedia also tells us that this film was the first to ever have a "bullet-time" effect. Kind of interesting, they do something very similar but using all in-camera, zero budget techniques.

I have no idea if these are even available anywhere, I saw them years ago on shit-ass 45th generation VHS tapes.

Street Fighter was atrocious. The Karate Kid remake was HORRIBLE.

But I'd have to pick a Jackie Chan one, there are so many that were unwatchable. Can Rush Hour 3 count? I guess not. I will say THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM. That was absolute garbagee.

Michael Barnes wrote: Kill or Be Killed
Kill and Kill Again
I have no idea if these are even available anywhere, I saw them years ago on shit-ass 45th generation VHS tapes.

At the risk of showing my age, I saw both these movies in the theater when I was a kid. After the first one, my brother and I would argue if it would be Chuck Norris or James Ryan who would be the heir apparent to the recently deceased Bruce Lee. We were certified kung-fu-philes, never missing Kung Fu Theater on USA network.

We loved Kill or Be Killed, and freaked out when first saw the newspaper ad for Kill Again. It only played at one theater across town and had to beg dad to drive us. For the next couple years I would embarrass myself copying the Fly's moves, and telling Hot Dog's stupid jokes. Since my most recent (and very fond) experience of this film was from when I was 8 years old, I'm almost afraid to see it again and spoil the memory.

Black Barney wrote: Street Fighter was atrocious. The Karate Kid remake was HORRIBLE.

But I'd have to pick a Jackie Chan one, there are so many that were unwatchable. Can Rush Hour 3 count? I guess not. I will say THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM. That was absolute garbagee.

Was Street Fighter worse than Double Dragon?

Never seen Double Dragon but I've heard its worse, much worse.

The Matrix Reloaded

on one level or another, every martial arts film i've seen has been awesome. I'd probably go for Mortal kombat 2 for the worst though, but Mk 1 however was mint. Im not a big fan of iron monkey either.

American Ninja 2 - saw it as part of a double feature with the all time AT classic THEY LIVE.

AN2 does have one small redeeming quality - Steve James.

Black Barney wrote: Street Fighter was atrocious. The Karate Kid remake was HORRIBLE.

Which one? The one with the girl or the one with the little kid with the corn rows?

DukeofChutney wrote: on one level or another, every martial arts film i've seen has been awesome. I'd probably go for Mortal kombat 2 for the worst though, but Mk 1 however was mint. Im not a big fan of iron monkey either.

Which Iron Monkey? The original, with the actual monkey and actual hawk sparring in the opening credits? Or the modern one with black half-mask?

What is the worst kung fu movie that you've seen?[/quote]

Anything with Jeff Speakman

Shellhead wrote:

DukeofChutney wrote: on one level or another, every martial arts film i've seen has been awesome. I'd probably go for Mortal kombat 2 for the worst though, but Mk 1 however was mint. Im not a big fan of iron monkey either.

Which Iron Monkey? The original, with the actual monkey and actual hawk sparring in the opening credits? Or the modern one with black half-mask?

Good point. I love Woo Ping's newer version. The original's sequel is much worse.

Do the Power Rangers films count as Kung Fu movies? Those are pretty bad. Bad I think we've already mentioned a lot of movies that have martial arts, but shouldn't be considered a "kung-fu" movie.

If we're talking the truly worst true kung-fu movie, look no farther than 1987's Ninja vs Ninja. This is the Manos of kung fu movies.

Here's a sample!

While we're on the subject, can anyone identify this one movie for me? I saw it as kid and remember it being kick ass, every now and then it springs back to mind.

The kung fu hero has his family held captive. In order to release them he has to survive ten challenges. They all take place in the same arena. There's things like one-on-one, sumo wrestler, guy with a sword and the final challenge is beating up ten opponents. One opponent he finishes off by standing on his throat. In the very end when he's leaving the palace he's shot.

Anyone?

Shellhead wrote:

Black Barney wrote: Street Fighter was atrocious. The Karate Kid remake was HORRIBLE.

Which one? The one with the girl or the one with the little kid with the corn rows?

corn rows. Was there really one with a girl? I had no idea.