Stepping off the train.

dave wrote:

JonJacob wrote: As for the porn thing, I don't like or support porn at all. That's a personal thing. The industry disgusts me and I feel that the few times I did engage in it I don't like what it did to my brain. Never mind exploiting someones daughter, I don't like what it does to me, how exploits me, what it thinks about me. Besides, I get way more out of my imagination.

I agree with you to an extent, and there's certainly an element of that in my decision, but "The industry" is extremely broad. Most of what I found most compelling was the most "agreeable" stuff (e.g., real-life couple on webcam).

I'm dealing with something bigger than just porn here. I've been struggling with dealing with my compulsions ever since I hit puberty; internet porn has been by far the most discreet and least frustrating, and has removed much of the baggage of what I dealt with before it existed. It made it too easy to not deal with. I have to find healthier ways to deal with it (e.g., I'm not going back to humping vacuum cleaners). Not loading up xhamster is a milestone, but it's just the start.

I can see that, but a real life couple on a web cam is hardly an 'industry'. None the less porn that doesn't degrade people is possible to find... at that point, if there are no moral qualms with how it's made, what you have left is 'is this good for me'. For me the answer is an easy no. But most of my friends engage in it and they're fine people so it depends who you are. For me I find that I learn more about myself if I just jerk off to my imagination, which I think can be incredibly revealing. The other thing is that I don't like being treated like a sex crazed loonie and the feeling I get from watching porn is almost exactly that. I feel like I'm losing some control over who I am in those moments. I like to think that there's more to me than that. Basically if I'm not comfortable telling people what I've done I think I should stop doing it.

I know from the teaching that I do that some of the teenage boys coming in have clearly been effected negatively from porn... as was I when I was a teenager. But for them it seems much more pronounced. Their opinions on how sex should be and what they or their lady friend should be are astoundingly messed up (in my mind anyway) .. I think that it effects me in much the same way but it's harder to tell because I've got 42 years worth of filters in the way that help me to hide the real effects it has on me. So it may seem like I'm handling it better, that I can distinguish between reality and fantasy much better.. but it's not entirely true. When I use only my imagination some of these things come out and I am surprised at the horrible things I think, the horrible things that seem to be turning me on.

This is a very personal subject, obviously, but I've thought a lot about masturbating throughout my life and how it impacts who I am. I like to be as in control of that as possible and for me, porn takes away some of that control and places it in the hands of the creators. Personally, I don't like that.

Should we create a jerk off thread all about porn and masturbation? Is there a boardgame on the topic?... you'd think, based on the nature of those who love boardgames, that masturbation would be a huge theme.

well, there are those sex games but you need a partner to play them so it doesn't really count.

I goddamn hate Lover's Dice. If I roll LICK and FEET one more goddamn time, I swear to god I'm going to burn an effigy of RNGesus

I have thought about it a lot, but I should add that when it comes to masturbation I'm no expert on the topic... but I can hold my own.

If that 10k hours theory holds any water ...


Anyway, was that vacuum cleaner story real? Cuz that's pretty funny. When I was a little kid, I tried to make sex with my Winnie the Pooh record player

Black Barney wrote: Anyway, was that vacuum cleaner story real?

It was a bittersweet day when the circumference of my erect penis grew to and beyond the diameter of the nozzle port. But the six months before that when it was *just smaller* were amazing.

JonJacob wrote: Should we create a jerk off thread all about porn and masturbation? Is there a boardgame on the topic?... you'd think, based on the nature of those who love boardgames, that masturbation would be a huge theme.

I picked up a Pornstar board game from my first trip to Essen (c. 2003). I never played it. I guess we could start a thread with that as our justification.

- Max of Tat

JonJacob wrote: Should we create a jerk off thread all about porn and masturbation? Is there a boardgame on the topic?... you'd think, based on the nature of those who love boardgames, that masturbation would be a huge theme.

I vote for the title of the topic and/or game to be "Master of Your Domain"

Jur wrote: In combination with that avatar of a bum on a stick

In three weeks, I expect to see nothing but pagoda and sun.

Black Barney wrote: Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is how about giving an update in 3 weeks to let us know how that's going and what behaviors you've noticed, if any.

Still going strong. Not giving into temptation is tough, not so much because of the pull (I think of myself as a "user", not "addict"), but because of the lack of strong motivation. Posting on here previously has kept me as honest as much as anything else.

Gonna keep it short and sweet here. In some ways, I kinda preferred the way things were before, where I was able to compartmentalize it away a few minutes at a time in third-person mode. Now that part of my life is bleeding more into my real life, consuming more time and energy. Things are confusing and frustrating, but I guess that's kinda the way sex is supposed to be. Other than that, the experience has been great.