Harry Potter is Made of Wood

Here is a post I previously shared elsewhere.

I'm not the most religious of folks, but I am Christian, and yes I know Harry potter is about witches. My point; the other day at the game shop I work at I put on the final hp movie on the ps3 to have on. It was incredibly dark and grim, and there was something about it that just made me uneasy almost in a spiritual way. I've always said people were nuts for disliking hp due to religious beliefs, but I can sort of see their point now.

Now, I want to say I did actually enjoy the first couple movies, but this one was just disturbing.

Also, American Horror Story is fucking awesome, lol.

A quick field journal report of my experience with Hogwarts spells:

Animal Growth: I cast this on my owl and it made some awful sounds as it was crushed to death in it's cage. Very sad. On a related note, I don't recommend buying the reinforced elf steel cages from that creepy old guy at the familiar store. Took far longer to bury this thing than I'd have liked.

Rating 3/10

Bigby's Crushing Hand: The grip is unpleasantly forceful and no safety word is provided. Still safer than scarfing probably, but I don't know why I endured 6 years of those Slitherin dickheads for this crap.

Rating 4/10

Power Word Stun: Spent a few hours in the dorm trying to pronounce this stupid thing before Ron distracted me with Lego Lord of the Rings on his PS3. I don't understand why Gimli consists of more blocks than Gandalf because of his size, but it's probably canon because the rest of it seemed to follow the movies pretty well (I haven't read the book because my teachers tell me it's racist against wizards). Had a pretty good time and learned that hobbits are pretty much pricks.

Rating: 7/10

Scry: I cast this on my dad and watched him renting a laserdisk collectors edition of Blade Runner and it took him almost 5 minutes making awkward conversation with the clerk before finding exact change. I guess the clerk thought he was hitting on him because he called the police while taking hits from his inhaler like a dorky meth addict. Horrifying.

Rating: 1/10

Mordekeinen's Faithful Steed: I've never liked horses but was surprised to learn that this creature was pleasantly tolerable. I checked it's teeth and spanked its flank sharply to determine the quality of the steed but this didn't seem to reveal much, but it didn't kick me in the face like most horses do during this. Sold it to a local Russian for thirty rubles and a pack of cigarettes covered with silly writing which will make for a good souvenir without having to actually endure Moscow. He might kick my ass when it vanishes into magic shit when I stop concentrating, so I'm forced to think about this dumb horse pretty much forever.

Rating: 0/10

It's a movie. You played it in a game store full of games that are about demons, debauchery, and mass murder. Go to BGG and bitch about Tomorrow's theme next, and call Abner a heartless cunt for giggles.

What a poncy twat.

(WELCOME TO THIS WEEK'S.....

FFFRIDAY FFFREAKOUT!)

I went out yesterday for a Thai curry in the city. 4 hrs later I was shitting like a trooper with my ringpiece burning to fuck.

It made me uneasy almost in a spiritual way.

I always said people were nuts for disliking Thai food due to religious beliefs

I have enjoyed other curries but this one was just disturbing. Am I mental?

As a wizard stop discriminating against me you ass.

The last Harry Potter book was very heavy on Christian subtexts, or at least subtexts that make a lot of the complaints from more conservative Christians about the series seem pretty near-sighted. A lot of that made it into the movie, but most of it just works better on the page.

I thought the last movie was a pretty excellent conclusion, but it is very dark. If you've only seen the first couple HP movies, I'm sure the transition would be shocking. I would recommend watching the stuff in between before rendering judgement.

I don't get all the Christian hate for Harry Potter. How can anyone see allegory in Lord of the Rings and not see it in Harry Potter? I've never understood that and I am a Christian. I choose not to follow the herd on all fronts however.

I love the heck out of LOTR. All I was saying was that the last hp rubbed me the wrong way and I can understand, though not necessarily agree with, radicals' opinions of the films.

I also find it both hilarious and ridiculous the some people truly believe that Pokemon are evil demons from hell. Pikachu and Jigglypuff are not the fucking devil.

QPCloudy wrote: I also find it both hilarious and ridiculous the some people truly believe that Pokemon are evil demons from hell. Pikachu and Jigglypuff are not the fucking devil.

No obviously the real devil has a pointy tail and a deep and disturbing laugh. Also I think he was born of a jackal or something.

You're the devil, Andy?

ThirstyMan wrote:

QPCloudy wrote: I also find it both hilarious and ridiculous the some people truly believe that Pokemon are evil demons from hell. Pikachu and Jigglypuff are not the fucking devil.

No obviously the real devil has a pointy tail and a deep and disturbing laugh. Also I think he was born of a jackal or something.

It's all stereotyping. I'm much closer in visage to the portrayal in Constantine. I wear Versace suits (after all, I have him here making them for me), Fidel and I smoke Cuban cigars, and honestly, the only reason they call me "the most unclean" is because I once farted in the presence of God.

QPCloudy, stop pretending. You know me better than most, with all that masturbation and furry fascination. Harry Potter is not of my will, your Hairy Palm is.

It's fiction just like the Bible, get over it.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

I like your Hogwarts, I do not like your Slytherin. Your Slytherin are so unlike your Hogwarts.