Value-add to faith

Also, you should be careful not to get into the blame game. Even if were at fault in not caring or listening enough, there's responsibility on both parties to communicate openly and honestly. It's too easy to try and frame a split as being on the back of a guilty party. I fucked up my previous relationship in terms of the final cut, and I was definitely to blame for a lot of shenanigans going on while together but the root cause, the underlying unhappiness, the fact that things were just coasting and not really working, was absolutely the fault of BOTH parties, even if one ultimately got to play the "victim" because of all the other shit that went down.

This whole thing sucks. Divorce sucks. People suck, in general, as a whole.

About this faith thing, you are finally getting it. It's in the foxholes that people stop being atheists. Nothing like incoming 105mm artillery to make you pray to a God you willfully ignored until you needed him. And that's human nature.

I just look around at the things in the world...from the huge varieties of trees, the bugs, the animals, everything, and know that a God is real, and that he created all of this solely for our enjoyment. Therefore, the world is a paradise play-park that we can all enjoy if we figure out how NOT to be cunts to one another long enough, and go out into the world with the right attitude and the right perspective.

This, too, shall pass, Barney. Right now, it sucks. Assholes and dirty feet, no less. But in time, this will pass, and you'll get back to being the awesome person you've always been, but with a little less responsibility and a little more baggage. Such is life. Smoke, drink, party, game it up, and enjoy your gift. Life's waaay to short to not squeeze every fucking drop of awesome out of it. 100 years if you're lucky, and it comes and goes in the blink of an eye. Forget the bad, focus on the awesome.

That's all I've got. Take care, brother, and keep the chin up.

Oh man, I just saw this thread now.

Thanks for sharing your burden, Barney. You honour us.

Reading and thinking about your broken/beating heart is hard.

There are beautiful, caring posts in this thread.

You are not alone.

So after a few months of trying to let go of my feelings, I realize it's just not possible. Instead, I think I need to let go of hope. I need to accept that it's over and just repeat it to myself over and over until I fully realize my marriage is dead. Otherwise, everytime my ex says or does something nice to me, I'll keep falling backwards.

There's an amazingly appropriate quote by Joseph Campbell, "We must let go of the life we had planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

That's damn right.

Amen, Barney. That's what my ex has done recently. She's decided on a path and she's going that direction regardless of anything with us. It's made such a change in her.

I feel like that's where for non-kid having people the zero contact policy comes in. It's about killing that hope, and stopping you from interacting with someone and then making up bullshit scenarios where you get back together.

With kids in the picture, it seems like there's no shortcut. Gotta be a real, honest god adult and get your emotional ass kicked till you get through it.

Don't give up hope, hope is all we have in this life. The trick is to hope for different things. Hope your kids grow up well, live good lives, and do good in the world. Hope that the next Call of Duty is better than Ghosts. Hope that you never have incontinence. Hope that Warhammer Quest gets reprinted, and it's production value is better even than Space Hulk. Hope that it's price point is 20$ MSRP.

If your marriage is dead, don't look at it as a "failed marriage". That's a trap as big as any in history. Think of it as one chapter closing and a new chapter opening. Life is a journey - a story - and you are the main character in your story. Just because that chapter has closed doesn't mean the story ended...just that the chapter ended. Look forward, not backward. Your story can be AMAZING, you simply have to have the perspective that allows you to realize that bad things happen to good people, and that one stumble, however large, does not end your story.

WWRSD?

(What would Richard Simmons do?)

I think it took me as long as the relationship had lasted to free myself from the psychological dependency. Your life gets so entwined that it leaves empty spaces. Every time you encounter them, you feel the loss. The challenge is to fill those holes. Some people fill them by just jumping into a new relationship as fast as possible, others fill them up with friends, hobbies, drugs.

I agree with Jur. Fill holes. MANY HOLES. MANY MANY HOLES.

(Jazzhands)

SuperflyTNT wrote: I agree with Jur. Fill holes. MANY HOLES. MANY MANY HOLES.

(Jazzhands)

I swear I read "Jizzhands".