How's the DATING thing working for ya?

My second date ever was with a lovely woman from Turkey (taking an English course) was a tremendous boost to my self-esteem when she wanted to hold hands. After five years of an unspoken no-touch clause with my ex, it was an unbelievable sensation physically and emotionally. I had to secretly look away for a bit in order to contain myself. I didn't realise how much I missed that form of contact. Unfortunately I met her three days before she moved to Toronto to continue her studies. Dates third and fourth were nice but nothing has come from them.

Grudunza wrote: I have to find that Shellhead story now.

I posted it in the What Music Are You Listening To thread.

Shellhead wrote:

Grudunza wrote: I have to find that Shellhead story now.

I posted it in the What Music Are You Listening To thread.

I linked to it in my OP.

Craniac, can you share anything about that dating students thing. This co-op student is probably not actually interested but if she is, I need to hear some of these stories to keep me from falling down an obvious hole.

ok, so OKCupid and Match.com both sound good then, I'll eventually look into those. There is another one with a terrible name but great idea. I think it's called MeatMarket and the idea is that you find a bunch of activities that single people with similar interests go to and you can just go out with the group that goes to play poker, or goes to see a movie, or goes to see art, or goes to play pool. This way you're just going out doing something you enjoy with a bunch of single people liking the same stuff and if something happens, it happens

I'm happily married, so really can't have an opinion here...regardless...

That MeatMarket plan sounds like a nightmare. It seems like it would drop the odds of you finding a match considerably. Sure, it may sound easier to simply hang out and blend in with the group but what about when one member of your gender is the clear catch and the rest of you are scrubs? You're gonna have your competition right there at the dinner table? No thanks.

On the flip, what if you are that winner, or just making a good show, but candidate B and C are the ones digging you but not A the one you want? Or you and A can't make a connection because B and C are all up in your space?

I dunno...seems like there would be too many distractions and bullsh!t involved to really get a read or feel on any one specific individual. Besides, it'll be you and that individual one on one if the relationship goes any further, may as well test out that situation from the get go. No need for all the jibber-jabber of the others.

Ugh, Shellhead. I hated that shit, too. I just don't have the patience for those kinds of games anymore. It sounds like you two have reached the "dating threshold" but then suddenly "I didn't realize we were on a date"? You have more patience than I do for that. I would have been out the door, regardless; not storming out the door but "Hey, I have to go for X reason." At that point, if she called, fine. If not, fine. Granted, I have no idea what your previous experience with her has been, so my opinion means jack-all.

I got divorced officially back in 2011, but it had been dead for years prior to that. So, I did the Tinder and OKCupid things, too. It helps that I have a lot of friends in the poly community around here, so the physical stuff was never an issue, but there's a lot to be said for that someone that you just want to share things with. My luck on OKC wasn't great because, despite the number of profiles that matched up with mine and which usually included assertions about how "looks aren't what I think about", in the end, both sexes are just as shallow. There's gotta be physical attraction and, if it's not there, they won't make contact. Although, having known a number of women that spent time on OKC (including my current girlfriend), the number of INSANE messages that they get would repel almost anyone from sites of that type. Seriously. From dick pics as an intro, to outright statements of domination ("I see that we're compatible. You're mine now and you should begin doing these things in order to please me."), to the constant refrain of "Hi. Nice tits." It's uncanny in this day and age how absolutely incompetent people are with email and messaging. OTOH, considering that many people basically only make contact with other humans via text, maybe it's not. My inquiries were the sane type ("Hi, I read your profile and liked these things and here's some stuff about me", etc.) but I'd see them come and visit mine and never make contact. Whattaya gonna do?

In the end, I met my current girlfriend (we've been together for over a year-and-a-half now) through another friend who said "Come out to the bar for a music fest tonight!", introduced us, and then flitted off into the crowd. With nothing else to do, we started talking and things went from there. She posts a lot of pics of us doing things on Facebook and my out-of-state friends frequently chime in with: "We have to meet this woman who makes you smile so much!" So the "traditional" methods do still work, occasionally.

How's Pokemon Go working out for meeting folks?

A dear friend of mine and my wife's (basically like a sister) meet her now ex-husband on a dating site (not sure which, maybe Match) and then met another 1.5 year relationship on eHarmony which just ended recently. So she's back on eHarmony!

She's using it primarily as a tool to just find people and gauge some of the most important issues to her (namely, she's got a kid and wants more) for cursory compatibility. Seems to me like another good avenue to meet people (same as church, rec depts, sports leagues, BOARD GAME MEET UPS) that's not in your work environment, but to really get to know someone you gotta go out on those dates! No falling in love online is still the usual, but helps to find someone to meet in person.

My wife is acting as the initial QC screening process as they navigate the world of semi-adult singles. Which, if I'm being honest, makes me very grateful I'm not in the dating scene any more. Seems exhausting once you've got youngish kids in the mix. God speed, fellas! If anyone wants any tips on your strategies/profiles I can pass them along to my wife - she's pretty solid at reading people and psychology (with the obvious exception that I bamboozled into marrying me and not jumping ship after 9+ years).

Protip I've learned from overhearing them thus far:
Do not list your STDs in your profile.

One observation after seeing so many people mention OKCupid and then reading Jackwraith's horror stories - I feel like you get what you pay for. Since OkCupid is free, that's the easiest place to go. eHarmony has a monthly charge, but you can find initial deals all the time too for 3 months for under the cost of 1. This way there's a barrier to entry that keeps out at least the casually terrible people.

Mr. White wrote: How's Pokemon Go working out for meeting folks?

I've hooked up with a Bell Sprout and two Pidgeys today. Don't tell my wife.

At the dating site where I met my girlfriend, I initially focused on women with good pictures and at least one common interest. This somehow consistently led to either no response or a boring date. Having filled out enough personality tests, I noticed that I was starting to see a compatibility score, and my disappointing dates tended to be with scores in the 60s and 70s. So I did a search based on: close to my IQ, 95%+ compatibility, and within a 10 mile radius. I got four hits. Three were too overweight, which is a dealbreaker since I'm a fitness freak.

The fourth one looked plain and was too young for me (15 years younger), but we had very similar taste in music. Her profile said that she was only looking for new friends. We traded some short but friendly messages and then I took her on a disastrous and memorable first date. But she was much more attractive in person, so I hung in there for an okay second date, a great third date, and so on. We have now been together for 13 years.

On the down side, I am now experiencing that domestic imperialism that comes with living with a woman. The night that she announced her intention to move back in with me, she took me on a walk-through of the house that I bought five years ago. In each room, she identified where she wants to put some of her possessions, what needs cleaning, and if there are any special issues. She wants wi-fi (done), blinds instead of shades on the south side of my house (annoying but doable), and re-modeling my first floor bathroom to include a shower when I already have a shower in the basement (not in the budget until 2018). Due to her allergies, I already planned on removing 600 square feet of carpeting.

Ska_baron wrote: Protip I've learned from overhearing them thus far: Do not list your STDs in your profile.

Hah ha ha, dang! I'm amazed that people actually do that.

But actually, now that I think about it, wouldn't the alternative be worse? I can just see being on Date X after dinner, entertainment, dealing with scheduling, getting to know each other, etc. Things are starting to get hot and heavy, and only then do they spring the news on you? That would suck.

Shell, all of her comments on the house seem fine except remodeling the bathroom, that's a big thing. Everything else is reasonable.

Oh man, i'd love to hear what was disastrous from that first date. Glad it worked out! Shell, this is great info (on how you were matching, and what worked and what didn't). I'm sure this will be good guidance.

Shellhead link for the visually impaired: "I didn't realize this was a date."

Black Barney wrote: Oh man, i'd love to hear what was disastrous from that first date. Glad it worked out! Shell, this is great info (on how you were matching, and what worked and what didn't). I'm sure this will be good guidance.

Okay, another story from the trenches, this one from thirteen years ago...

I pick up Amy at her apartment. Based on her profile picture, I wasn't expecting much, so I was very surprised that she looked great. She expressed interest in learning about punk rock in her profile, so I took her to see The Misfits, with opening acts Agnostic Front, the Damned, and the Dickies. She needed time to get ready after work, so we missed the first act. We got drinks and stood in an open area near the stage. It had been more than a few years since I went to a punk rock show. We're talking and everything is going well.

The Damned start playing, and a few dozen guys come running at us from all directions. In my prior punk experiences, the mosh pit was right up by the stage, but here we were standing on an invisible bullseye that was a fair distance back from the stage. We both take a few hits and lose our drinks before I got us out of there. She is surprised but not too shook up, so we laugh it off and get fresh drinks. The Dickies were dirty and funny, though not as musically solid as the Damned. We do some people watching and more talking, and everything is still going well.

Then the Misfits take the stage. Their drummer for this tour was one of the Ramones. They are harsh, repetitive, and LOUD. We're taking in the spectacle, when suddenly Amy starts stomping off towards the exit. I catch up with her and ask her what's wrong. She says, "I can't believe that you took me to a racist concert!" And continues to head for the exit. We leave, with me apologizing and saying that I had no idea that the Misfits were racist. She claimed that the song that pissed her off featured a chorus/chant of "KKK, KKK, KKK." As she was looking around for a pay phone, I reminded her that she left her purse in my trunk. She visibly un-clenched a bit and was receptive to the idea that I give her a ride home. By the time we got back to her place, she admitted that she really liked one of the songs on the mix that I played.

She was hot, and it felt like the door wasn't completely slammed shut in my face, so I hung in there. Over the next couple of days, we traded several e-mails. I figured out that the offensive song in question was actually a cover of The Ramones song "The KKK Took My Baby Away," so I sent her a link to the lyrics, and she admitted that the song probably wasn't racist. Also, I managed to score tickets to Tori Amos, one of her favorites. I also told her about the friendship between Tori and my favorite local comic writer, Neil Gaiman. The second date went okay. This time I took her to dinner first, and this concert venue had auditorium seating instead of a mosh pit, plus Ben Folds Five was the opener.