Old Guys: Are You Angry?

I would like to add to White's post by saying that Spartan Races are great for teamwork. I would not have been able to finish mine without the team I ran with.

Mr. White wrote: Craniac, I'm going to respond with a tie-in to your family boardgame thread.

You guys should take up running. Not racing, but running.

* low buy-in
* can do it as a family any evening/morning/time available. simply go out to the middle school track for starters
* try to do one organized event a month as a family goal
* run events usually offer 1K, 3K, 5K, 10K, 'Fun Runs' the same day so all family members can have a level they participate in.
* add travel to it. You're in Utah, right? Go out of state, or across state, from time to time to a race. then it becomes a mini-vacation as well
* it's completely collaborative and supportive. Unlike co-op boardgames, which can definitely lead to arguments, there's nothing to argue about here. everyone cheers each other on.
* stay with a routine and it's something the kids will end up having built into their lifestyle and take with them when they leave the house
* clearly exercise is beneficial to everyone, so benefits all around

I took up mtn biking. A little more expensive, but also less likely to destroy my knees, as well as a bit more likely to have some practical uses, like transportation.

Either way, routine exercise needs to be factored in.

SuperflyTNT wrote: Martial Arts is excellent, especially when you're not super aggro into it and want to hurt people. If you look at it as a form of dance of a sort, and seek to control your body and focus on the control of your body, that philosophy seems to help you manage "life". I find sparring incredibly meditative.

Agree with that. I did aikido and iaido for 11 years and it was my refuge from a lot of things (including my marriage.) Our style is pretty combat-oriented, but also had a grounding in Zen Buddhism, so there's a lot of "personal advancement" stuff that's mixed in. It was also pretty transformative on my general outlook. I started because I wanted to exercise more but I wanted the motivation of actually improving at something. Since I gave it up a couple years ago, I've been trying to stay fit and failing, simply because I lack the drive to just go exercise for the sake of doing so. Have to get over that somehow.

At 48, I'm still the care-free guy of my youth. Not giving a shit about anything is half-blessing / half-curse, but it's pretty much how I've always been.

I've been angry since I was 16. While I have calmed down, I still simmer.

Mine is due entirely to expectations. Expectations of others, and my own expectations of myself. The failure of expectations met.

People do not seem to understand things the way I do. The things I find to be the most fundamental of ideas seems distant and alien to so many. Such massive frustration I feel at that. And worse, frustration at myself for failing to be able to adequately communicate and educate others of my perspective.

It is my greatest failing, I think.

But now I blithely accept the inability of others to understand and my failure to convey myself adequately. Such is life. I'd rather accept and be sane with serotonin running through my system than be stubborn and be rife with cortisol.

But sometimes I forget, and old habits die hard.

I constantly exercise. It's the best way to remind myself to live for myself instead of meeting any expectations others have for me. I do it entirely for me, as living well is my best bet against the frustration of outer and inner ignorance I have sometimes.

Jeez does that ever sound like me too. Except the exercise part.

Guys... especially us adult,college educated guys... this is water:



It's glib, but it's great, and it's true.

I have anger management issues. I can fly off the handle at the pettiest little things, it's embarrassing and self-destructive.I am not mindful in any sense of that largely senseless word. I yell at my kids. They yell a each other, they yell at their mother and I feel like I am poison. This eats at me, and I cover it with a façade of thoughtfulness and a quick sense of humor. You can cover up a lot with this.

I feel like the country, and the ways of the western world are flawed. I am smart. I am rewarded for my smarts with a job that is incredibly oblique to the actual working of the world and no one seems to really care, and I don't care as long as they keep sending me these huge checks. I'd leave in a heartbeat, but I don't know what for... I do like to eat and wear clothes and be sheltered, so the kinds of jobs that actually matter don't align with the money needed to provide those things for myself and the other six folks (spouse, kids, parent) that need me to keep going. So I keep going.

I am not angry, necessarily. I am sad and scared though, and anger is what my mind turns that into.

I was angry for a LOOOOONG period of time, I'm talking since I was a kid. It had always been a part of my make up along with my sense of humour etc. that I had accepted and assumed my wife had accepted. I never thought twice about it until about 5 years ago.

By the time I figured how to deal with it properly,( exercise, talking aloud what was the issue, not witholding apologies and not indulging in punishment behaviours) my marriage was done and my kids resented me.

I'm in a better place now (having moved out has helped) but there are times when, like Jeb, I feel sadness for what I could have had and scared at the legacy I've created with my kids.

(I'm 47 by the way)

Not angry, but a little nervous.

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Like Jeb, I work a job that I get paid pretty well for because I dunno, I can solve things. It doesn't seem meaningful in too many ways though. I was a public school teacher for 6 years in my 20s and early 30s and that was very rewarding...it simply didn't pay enough to support my family. We decided my wife would stay at home til all the kids were in school, so I left the classroom to make more dosh. The benefits are good, stress fairly low, retirement plan sound.

Why am I nervous? I don't think this is how I wanna live.

I can stay in this job and retire around 53. Play it safe. The kids can grow up their whole lives here in central Texas. It's easy to do.

But I want more for them than that.

I'm giving some serious consideration to moving the family to the east coast for couple of years, then to the pacific northwest for a few years, then likely back here. It's a wild plan, and could jack up a whole bunch of security, but I figure none of that will matter long term. I'm still gonna pass on and be forgotten regardless how much I have in retirement. May as well give the kids a rich childhood of travel and demonstrate to them the ability to take risks.

Yeah, it's the risks though and the hopes the money will work out somehow.

I know the above was a bit off the topic, but there's a little anger here I suppose. The entity I work for is looking to cut the budget under the new Chancellor. They're giving out 6 month separation checks if you meet a certain criteria. Those criteria being how long you've been employed here. I don't meet any of the years of service at only 9, but there are several colleagues that do. So, some less than 'top tier' employees are gonna get phat checks just because they sat in one of these chairs longer than I have, I who routinely receives higher marks and shoulder more responsibility. Yeah, a 6 month check would go a long way towards putting my plan in motion. Again, a plan to destabilize what we have in the hopes to live a richer life. The wife is all on board. We just gotta now work towards putting ourselves in a position to uproot into the unknown. A check for half my annual salary would be huge. Gonna be hard to watch some of these people collect and walk out while I remain...

If your wife and family are on board, go for it. My family lived in South America for a year and my dad spent a couple months in Chile regularly every year. Only regret I have is that the year I spent in Chile was when I was 2, so I missed all the great language brain reorientation my older brother got.

I recommend the Headspace app as a good guided meditation app. Meditation is an iffy thing, people that are really into it makes claims that don't seem to be supported by science. But clearly it works for them. For my own practice, I will say that it has pulled back the curtain ever-so-slightly on my own thought processes, and sometimes I can realize in the moment that my brain is just telling me things and those things are not necessarily true. It's like when some random homeless dude starts going off on chemtrails or how 9/11 was an inside job, and you don't want to bother with that level of stupidity or get into it, so you just say oh, that's weird, how crazy, I'll have to look into that, etc. Except instead of a random homeless dude, it's your own brain.

I can't do this very often though, so I guess I need more work.

For the general question, I'm not angry but this might be a specific instantiation of me not being super passionate about things generally. I don't really have a lot of highs or lows in my emotional existence. The obvious downside of this is that I rarely experience, I dunno, bliss or rapturous joy or similar emotions. The less obvious downside of this is that I don't have a lot of practice dealing with funks/blues or other negative emotions, so I lack the skills to navigate them. Then I drink too much and am a shitty husband and dad for a while until the issue goes away by itself.

I am also on track to be financially independent in my early 50s. Unlike Mr. White, I feel pretty great about it and have no problem playing it safe. Living in a remote area means that I can take my dogs to the beach in the morning and I am the only one there. So we play fetch and watch the fog slowly burn off and listen to the waves crashing and the sea lions barking. That is enough bliss for me I think. Or at least I haven't gotten tired of it yet.

This is like... the BEST community ever.

I'm entering the later half of my 30s. Used to be angry to a lot of things (including to the younger generations), but decided it's not worth it. Once in a while I get in an argument (over Facebook!), but that's very rare and generally I did it just for a kick. And I keep myself in peace knowing that every generation is going to have their own stuff. I like my job, but I really want more recognition and be made a permanent employee. My company has like 4 different sectors, and I work on all of them, and I'm one of the problem solvers, especially with boatload of data and stuff. At times, things could be VERY, VERY exciting, I love every moment of it. At others, I can have spare time to watch youtubes even with directors watching from my back.

I do weightlifting, three times a week, sadly the (free) office gym doesn't have barbells, so I only have a pair of 45 pounds dumbbells for squat. But the good thing is I can do morning exercise by arriving early.

And painting miniatures, so yes I do have some outlets. Also, I'm always melting down like ice (olaf?) on a beach everytime I think about my toddler.

@Mr. White
I was one of those kinds who moved around, and BOY, it did a LOT to me. I learned that people are different, your views are ALWAYS too narrow, and l could switch language and dialects in a jiffy.

dysjunct wrote: I am also on track to be financially independent in my early 50s. Unlike Mr. White, I feel pretty great about it and have no problem playing it safe.

I don't want to misrepresent myself. I'll be able to claim retirement at 53 and start pulling in the state's pension. It's a good deal, but not sure I'd stop there. Maybe work longer for a higher multiplier or retire-rehire or something. 53's too young for me to sit around. Regardless, I wouldn't say I was independently wealthy. We've still got some medical bills to address, work the house needs, etc.

I dunno, I don't want to make every thing seem rosy and Ive got all these wonderful choices. I mean, clearly I can stay comfortable, stay the course and everything will be taken care of.

However, I too moved around every 2-3 years as a child (army brat) and parts of it was amazing. My wife has lived her whole life in Texas. Moving around for a while would be a great experience for my family overall. I'd be putting my retirement on hold, then hope to hire back on some state entity when we're done and resume my pension program. I'd effectively be pushing my retirement back many years.

Like my first post, I try to tell myself money matters and such are no biggie and it'll all work out, but this time I have with the kids in the home I need to go for the gusto. I can make money later...but I can't make more time...

The PNW is a great place to be raised. I moved there from chicago when my parent got divorced and those were my happiest memories. I owe a lot to Oregon and its environment.
I am thankful my mom had the balls to say enough is enough and move us there. God rest her soul.