So I'm sitting here looking at my just-arrived copy of RISK: BLACK OPS and Bill Abner over at Gameshark.com has the gall to interrupt my communion with this beautiful new game by telling me that the next installment of THERE WILL BE GAMES is up.
In this segment we're up and running but The Man, symbolized in our story by The Barrister, is already coming down on the kids who just want to get their kicks. Who's ever heard of wearing a tie into a game store, anyway?
Another pretty good installment in this series. It almost reminds me of a movie where you see two trains getting on the same track. You know what's going to happen......
Randy's your brother? That's funny.
I also seem to remember seeing Barnes playing Manila on a couple of occasions. And seeming to enjoy it. I'd filed it as an overlong Roulette for Gamers kind of game with a really kind of vague theme.
(If I'm playing an overlong Roulette for Gamers, it has to involve the Loch Ness Monster and zillions of little plastic templates. Look up Nessie on BGG for pics. )
Heh heh, yes, I stole Randy Weeks money and gave him MANILA! My slick-tongued sales tactics paid off and we made $5 off the profit of that game alone! And I would have got away with it too...
MANILA is fun. It's particularly fun with a rowdy crowd that likes to gamble. Is it a great game? Good grief, no. But there's a lot of drama in getting those stupid boats to dock. The worst thing is that the game is obviously supposed to be about drug trafficking but it somehow got turned into the usual Eurogame oregano trading scheme.
We did play it a lot at the store...The Barrister really liked it, actually. But then again, he liked throwing away money too. Money that wasn't really his. (foreshadowing?!)
Trainwreck indeed. I can't get enough of these. Though frankly Barnes, the douche factor is so high with the Barrister I can't help but think you knew just how bad things were going to get, even if it wasn't a fully conscious thought.
Well, like they say about hindsight...
To be honest, at first I thought he was down with it- on the level and possessed of the right spirit. But really, now that I'm looking back on it, I can see that was part of his "marketing" to get Dollar Bill and I to cast our lot in with him.
Once the store was open for a while, I saw the writing on the wall pretty quick. Dollar Bill and I had _many_ conversations about possibly buying him out of his share and taking it for ourselves even early on.
But we _were_ friends, too...The Barrister was at my wedding, we talked music and movies, we went to dinner and hung out; it wasn't just a business relationship. And I did really think that if the douchebaggery promised by the khaki pants and button-down shirt did come to fruition, then he'd at least be really good on the business end of things.
At that time, the worst case scenario to me was The Barrister getting scared and pulling out, leaving Dollar Bill and I in the lurch without his capital. But that would have probably been the best thing that could have happened and if that were the situation the store would likely be open today.
I don't think I've even seen owners/managers of the more respectable stores wear ties. I may have to try it someday, just to see what happens. And perhaps sit down and play a game to boot. I hear people with ties are treated differently. A mix of respect and ass kissing or something like that. But I wouldn't know. Other than the fact that I can tie a better knot than most geeks, I despise ties.
Well, let me tell you, sometimes Robert Martin shows up for game night after one of his highfalutin "business meetings" and he's all duded up in a suit and tie. We don't treat him any different. In fact, we probably treat him worse.
I'll tell you who can pull of the ties-while-gaming thing- Richard Launius. He comes in ready to play something and with that tie on you know you he means BUSINESS. It totally works for him. "Alright boys, it's a Shoggoth"
Yeah, but with The Barrister, you figure that he's going to loosen up and things will take care of themselves. I can understand the desire, but man, some people (myself included) couldn't run a game store. I know that because I couldn't handle the Geek Culture's Full Frontal Nerdity. And that's coming from a Geek.
--Mike L.
I'll play Tim Gunn here for a minute since we're slagging on fashion...
Dollar Bill is the only person I've ever seen wear a Merzbow shirt tucked into over-the-knee shorts. The Barrister, when he would wear T-Shirts, always tucked them in so his braided belt could be proudly displayed. And let me tell you, a man should never, under any circumstances, wear denim shorts. Ugh.
It'd really be fun to do a fashion show of nerdwear...that god damned "flying red dragon" T-shirt, the "You Are Here" shirt, Akira shirts, Hawaiian shirts and black Reeboks as far as the eye can see...I guess it'd mostly be T-shirts. But then there was my employee and friend "Hot K"- he'd wear an Indiana Jones-style fedora, a a plaid-button up shirt, soccer shorts, and black dress shoes.
I just finished reading the installment. I was hoping there would more talk about ties in it, but alas it was not to be. Anyway, the biggest realization I came away with is the existence of a giant chasm that The Barrister has set up between managing the store and actually being involved in the enterprise. Perhaps it's because I have a father who is a competent manager but more importantly who is a great salesman that I understand that knowing the product and having the ability to engage the consumer on their level are probably more important to success than having good management skills, especially on the small scale of a personal business. Some businesses have a ready market where people are going to spend their money wherever its convenient (say for example the nearest video store) and one just has set up at a good location and watch the money come in (ok, maybe not so simple but I'm sure you get the point). But for most businesses not only does one have to attract the consumer's attention, you also have to provide them with a product that actually fills their needs (which may not be what they originally came in to buy) AND also make them feel glad that they dealt with you and not that guy down the street. It almost sounds like the Barrister thought he could run a retail business without having to deal with customers except to take their money.
What do you call those kids books where each page is a different character but each page is cut into 3 or 4 segments (head, shirt, pants, feet, for example) such that you can flip the separate segments down to any other page level and thereby create some new whacky mismatched character by exposing the different parts of different characters? That's what Hot K sounds like.
BillN
I'm not touching a tie.
Period.
I had to wear a tie for four years in high school, and when I was finished, I told myself that I'd never wear a tie for work as long as I live. With the notable exceptions of weddings, funerals and job interviews, I've kept my word.
Yeah, I wear polo shirts, t-shirts, oxford shirts and flannel, but I refuse to wear ties or sportcoats.
--Mike L.
You can add braided belt to the "never wear" category.
Did he iron his tucked in T-Shirts by chance? Nothing is more ridiculous than an ironed T-Shirt.
"Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow."
Ties aren't that bad once you learn to tie them. I wore a coat and tie to work for 2 years. Didn't kill me. Cost a lot in dry cleaning bills, but half the time I could expense them.
Richard Launius is so very amazing. He dresses like the VP of a major corporation, but is such a total gamer geek that he paints absolutely every unpainted plastic piece in every game he owns. And designs rather complex (and often quite good) game about horror, superheroes, Tolkein-ish fantasy.
And denim shorts are bad? Just not cutoffs. Dear god, not cutoffs.
Ties are sexy. Denim shorts are gacky.
Guys that complain about wearing ties, typically wear shirts that are too small for them and inexpensive poly-blend ties. They are uncomfortable because their collars are too tight and the poly-blend tie is stiff and makes their necks sweat. If every guy's first tie was 100% silk paired with a high quality 100% cotton dress shirt in the correct size, there would far less tie avoidance in the world.
If you are going to wear denim shorts, you damn well better have biker calves to offset the shear ugliness of them.
Ties can actually be really bad ass...I have nothing against sharp suits at all. But the game store is no place for them, and neither is a game industry trade show, apparently.
Launius is the man, no doubt...but Frank, he also re-paints the PAINTED plastic pieces in every game he owns. And some of his prototypes are ridiculously great, there's one he's got that I think is almost better than ARKHAM HORROR. I'll never forget the day he walked in the store- full suit and tie and with an overcoat- and said "I designed ARKHAM HORROR".
In a red convertible?
That reminds me Schweig...gotta include the adrenochrome part next time...
Did he iron his tucked in T-Shirts by chance? Nothing is more ridiculous than an ironed T-Shirt.
Are you kidding? OF COURSE he did!
It almost sounds like the Barrister thought he could run a retail business without having to deal with customers except to take their money.
That's definitely the case...but more than that, he expected Dollar Bill and I to do all the real, meaningful work.
Not that I am a slob mind you -- I actually like to wear a tie -- but an ironed T-Shirt really pisses me off. It should be a clean T-Shirt that has been hung on a hanger or nicely folded, but ironing makes you look like a jackass. It defeats the purpose of wearing a T-Shirt.
There was a news story a few years ago about a man claiming temporary insanity in a murder case. Apparently the victim said the words "Snickers" and "Wyoming" in the same conversation, sending the attacker into a murderous rage. I suspect that, if I am ever on The Row, it will be because I ran into a gang of assholes in tucked-in, ironed T-Shirts and a murderous rage overcomes me.
I can trace my dislike of ties to my freshman year of high school. I learned how to tie a double windsor, but my homeroom teacher insisted on having my tie in a hangman's noose level of tightness around my neck. Gaak.
--Mike L.
That's a shame, but is typical of most young men's first experiences with ties. I really does turn them off ties for life. However, if you can tighten a tie to that level of tightness without your collar getting all ripply and gathered looking, it means that your shirt is too small. No doubt it was also a polyester tie which has no give at all. Silk ties have a lot of stretch, almost like elastic. If you pull on the part that goes around the neck, that section will lengthen a good few inches. That means you can snug the tie up, but it will stretch and move with you as you move your neck moves and changes shape.
Also Michael, I agree with you that today a guy working a game store in a tie would be kind of creepy. Remember back in the 80's when, all the clerk type guys wore those crazy skinny ties. I think all record stores, games stores and comic shops were entirely staffed with Duckie* look-a-likes.
*Pretty in Pink
I'm old school I guess.. Full Windsor, Half Windsor, Four-in-Hand and off course a Bow Tie.. I can tie them all. No Captain Clip-On here.
And when I put on one of my good suits and straighten that tie to a knife's edge, all I can hear in my head is ZZ Top: "... cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man"
Oh, and wonderful series Mr. Barnes. Thanks for the read.
I only know I'm really at GenCon when I see all the, shall we say large, guys with beards wearing their man-skirts... oh, I meant kilts. They're those goofy looking leather ones that are sold there by some company whose name I forget. Do those show up anywhere else in the country?
Of course they do. "Utilikilts" or whatever the hell they are.
I fucking hate them.
I bought a black kilt when I was in high school...I wore it one time and realized that I looked like a complete idiot wearing it since I wasn't Scottish.
I guess I could go home and change into some ripped up jeans and a Dark Throne t-shirt first, but then the buzz would wear off before I made it to game night. And Lord knows I need something to make it through some of these half baked new releases like Caveman, "The Blackberry Harvesting Family Adventure Game."
Look, I wasm't going to bring up the fact that you wore a suit and tie to impress your copy of QUEST FOR THE DRAGONLORDS the other night, but there it is.
You've got to show These Games Of Ours the proper respect, you know?
You're partly right about the neck noose, Uba. But it is also the fact that it's something that will need to be fiddled with throughout the day and that also entails wearing an entire coordinated uniform to look right. Considering my normal state of mind in the morning, it's often just too much to ask. You are correct about the silk ties. They're the best.
BillN
Actually, Uba, my ties back then were a combo of polyester and the knit cotton ones. (Just gave my age away, I suppose.)
Perhaps the shirts were too tight, but I always figured that for a high school student, we shouldn't have had to go out and buy silk ties. My homeroom teacher used to make people who didn't have their ties tight kneel on the tile floor with their hands behind their back for the duration of the announcements (which usually lasted about 10 mins).
My homeroom teacher was also my Algebra teacher, and he used to use the tie as a weapon. If you ever yawned (guilty!) or goofed off in class, he'd grab a hold of your tie, yank hard and say, "Mr. Lawson, we don't do that in class, do you understand?"
So while I can see your point, I'm not planning on changing my dislike of ties.
--Mike L.
Having worked both book and record stores between 1987 and 1994, I can vouch for the book stores. Record stores, on the other hand, were split more or less evenly between Duckie [aka "I listen to New Wave"] and The Guys With Long Hair & "3Ms" [Ministry, Motorhead, Maiden] T-shirts"[tm]. I fell into the latter category once I moved to music retail (and, as I think of it, I still have most of those shirts).
Historical note: by 1991 or so, the Motorhead and Maiden shirts were mostly replaced by SubPop shirts due to the the 1990-1991 "Summers of Grunge and Garth" that swept through music retail, but the general look, otherwise, did not change.
Mike L.,
Well that is just sick sadistic abuse. Now I have the creeps. That sicko was probably getting off on it. Blahhh!
When I taught in a Catholic School, my rule was that the boys had to have their ties on well enough that they could quickly fix them if the principal popped in. There was a little window in the door at the back of the class that I could see when someone was approaching the door. I'd call out "NUN!" and all the boys would duck and snug. I once had two 8th grade boys start fighting in my class. They both whipped off their ties and started trying to strangle each other with them. I broke up the fight and reported them for being out of uniform, rather than for fighting. The humor was not lost on them.
Bill,
..it's something that will need to be fiddled with throughout the day...
Pish. I have three words for you - hose, heels and bras.
He might have been, but man, you didn't fuck around in his class. I should also have mentioned that he was the football coach, too, but he definitely didn't favor "his boys" one bit. If anything, he rode them harder than the rest of us.
Yeah, the nuns were to be feared. We had one in 5th Grade who taught religion, whose entire concept of religion was for us to sit there and she would lecture us. No tests, just lecture us.
We had to laugh at her jokes, even though they were terrible. She, however, was quite often unintentionally funny, but we couldn't laugh. There would have been....repercussions. You see, she was also known as the meanest s.o.b. in the school, and once (at the age of 80 or so) picked up a kid bigger than me and tossed him down the steps out the door of her room for insolence.
About a couple of years after I had her, she got "put out to pasture" by the principal, who didn't take to kindly to the old ways.
--Mike L.
Uba,
I certainly see your point (and still feel glad I was born a guy) :-) But I should have also mentioned that a tie is like an appendix, it serves no real purpose. It doesn't cover a body part, support a body part, or even accentuate a body part. It's just there. But unlike the appendix which lies tuck away inside the gut and only gets noticed when it gets infected, the tie is dangling right there on the front of the chest willing and able to make a nuisance of itself whenever an opportunity arises.
BillN
Now I think you are just being coy. The tie accentuates a man's natural "charm." It is a reiteration and exaggeration of that which dangles in front and makes a nuisance of itself whenever the opportunity arises. Finally, it is a big old arrow directing the eye where to look for final confirmation regarding the extent of a man's abilities.
I guess I just prefer to keep thinking of them as a noose around my neck. I get enough stares already.
I now just had a vision of that old SNL skit with Jim Belushi stuffing paper towels down the front of his pants.
--Mike L.
Lol....I never thought of it that way. But I'll offer one last arguement. Those men who are confident in their abilities don't need a tie.........and those who aren't confident may be better served stuffing their ties in their pants like Mike L. alludes to. :)
BillN
It is at this point that I briefly get involved in this epic. It turns out my brother was present at the Atlanta Game Fest where Barnes was there representing his fledgling enterprise.
I had just got my brother involved in boardgaming and he was at the peak of his enthusiasm at this point attending his first convention. He was also on a buying spree in the midst of filling up his 3rd big plastic tub filled with boardgames. So my brother approaches the Barnes table with extreme caution. The thing about my brother Randy is that he is a super cautious consumer. He takes great pride in not being suckered and has rarely been taken by a fast talking salesman.
Little did he know he was going up against the King of Boardgaming himself, Michael "Hannibal" Barnes.
My brother had asked me if I wanted to go to this convention but I was unable to attend. My brother might have stood a better chance against Barnes had I been there, much like a Doc Holiday to his Wyatt Earp, but alas it was high noon and Randy was to face off with Barnes alone at the sales table. It didn't look good. Randy had no idea who he was up against.
Barnes had no doubt glanced at the wad of cash my brother flashed when buying refreshements and Barnes had his sites set on that dough.
Randy approached the table and asked Barnes if he had anything good. Barnes smiles and says to himself,
"I got him"
This was back during the Euro boom and prior to the great war but Barnes had the foresight to begin unloading Euros on the unsuspecting. Barnes picked up a copy of "Manilla" and convinced my brother it was good.
It was all over my brother left with a copy of "Manilla" but it could have been a lot worse, a lot worse.