I Have Played GAME Z and You Have Not

As a famous board gaming enthusisast, I am granted "backstage passes" if you will to a lot of hoity toity gaming events.  I get to hobnob and rub elbows with any number of amateur and professional designer- I'm friends with the guy who designed THE GREAT CHILI COOK OFF for example.  And I get to be directly invovled in the development process of their soon-to-be classic games and I get to be among the first to rate them a 10 on the internet board gaming forums.  And just to remind you, you're not.   Recently I was invited to a very exclusive gaming event held at Colditz Castle where I was allowed to play something that I can only call GAME Z.  And just to remind you, you weren't invited.  It's really too bad it's an invitation only, extremely exclusive event because every man, woman, and child who is into board gaming would have their minds blown by the designs that some of gaming's top names bring there that will never be published lest their exclusivity be diminished.  GAME Z may never see the light of publishing day because frankly it's too amazing for the "sheeples" and I wouldn't be surprised if the government stepped in to halt its publication.  It's that good.

Colditz Castle, where I played GAME Z.  I stayed in the German Barracks. 

Now, I can't tell you anything about GAME Z except that it ranks up there with the greatest games of all time.  Scratch that, it is one of the pinnacle achievements of Western Civilization- it may not be quite the achievement that Queenryche's "Operation Mindcrime" is, but it's pretty close.  This game will make you weep tears of joy that someone has finally designed the ultimate game. When it comes out, you will be willing to take a human life to play it.  It's very similar to black tar heroin in a lot of ways but you don't have to shoot it into your eyeballs for maximum effect. 

GAME Z will appear on paper to be like any other Eurogame.  When (and if, snicker snicker) you ever get to read the rules, you might be unimpressed with all the talk of card drafting and victory point generation but let me tell you, the game is deeper and richer than an 85% Cacao chocolate bar even though it plays in five minutes and only has three sentences of rules.  You can play it twenty times in one sitting so if you're losing a few games, you don't have to worry about all those embarassing "loss" marks in your game diary or on your Palm Pilot game tracker.

This is my depiction of how it felt to play Game Z.  I am the lamb, Jesus is GAME Z. 

What makes GAME Z something really special is that I have played it and you have not.  But aside from that, it is the ur-game, the one game that is going to make you sell off at least five games out of your collection- making it a good reason to get rid of some of that "Tanga Trash" .  It will provide your group with a great "filler" for at least a year to come.

GAME Z will shake up the industry.  I for one do not have the time to play a game over 20 minutes long (I expect to play at least five new games that I've never played before at my weekly game event) but GAME Z gives us a BOARDGAMING LITE option.  Being involved in the development process (which you aren't, by the way) I was able to request that the designer shorten the play time from 5.4 minutes down to a solid 5.  So I fully expect this game to be a "10" when (and if) it comes out.

Don't get your hopes up for that dog on the skateboard or the big Z- none of these fun-looking components are in GAME Z because they look much too fun.  You are not allowed to see them, but rest assured you will be BLOWN AWAY. 

Several publishers are interested in GAME Z but frankly I think the game is too awesome for them and I'm not sure that there is a publisher privileged enough to even look at the game.  Not to name names, but Zev Schleisinger was there at Colditz Castle and when he walked into the secret chamber where GAME Z was being played, several of us rushed to hide the game.  Frank Branham jumped up and literally covered the table with his body.  Zev said "Hey guys, whatcha playin'?" to which Alan Moon said "Back out the door slowly and forget you saw anything, this is not for your eyes".  I heard Zev mutter down the hall "Looks like they were just playing some kind of Blackjack variant".  He couldn't be more wrong.

GAME Z is a smash hit waiting to happen.  It will heal the sick and turn Coke into Pepsi.  It is the best game I have ever played in the history of playing games.  Spiel Des Jarhes?  Maybe- but I'm not sure the judges deserve to be in the presence of the kind of perfection that GAME Z represents. 

And I'm not sure you deserve to be either.

Just remember.  GAME Z.