Things Heard Around the Gaming Table

Last night was a cornucopia of this stuff.

> Pandemic: The Cure, 3rd back to back game

Me:“ Seriously, if you would stop and talk about the order of things we do, we’d have a better chance of saving humanity.”
Her:“Fuck humanity. I just want to take my turn while you take yours. If we lose, we can always start over.”
Me:“BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?”
Her:”They’re already dead. At this point I hope this game is about cat diseases ‘cuz they’re going to need 9 lives”

> Red November
Her: “Ok...so I guess my only choice is to have a shot and go put the fire out....I’ll use five minutes and the plus three means I have to roll an 8 or lower”
(Rolls a zero)
Also her:“HELL YEAH! Natural zero!!”
Me: “That’s a 10”
Her: “Look. There’s no line. It’s a zero.”
Me: “A lot of those dice show zeroes as tens. Maybe they didn’t have room for the line””?”
Her: “Fuck that. They can put the line under a six and nine, and they put the die in the box, so that is a zero.”
Me: “Zero it is”

Played like a good husband (who wants to wake up in the morning ... and with all body parts).

"It's a bit early in the game to attack me/cut me off/build in front of me/do THAT" - Me most games.
"Shit I'm in a really screwed position/have got bloody nothing I can do/have got last place sewn up" - Me most games.

“Is it time to breed?”

-Caverna

"Wood for she..."

*cough*
*ducks utter deluge of stones raining down*

Ahem.

Ahhh Fjords. A wonderfully peaceful game about tactically farming the various geographies of Norway.

*During the scoring round where you populate the land by being fruitful Vikings, connecting your farms together*

GF: "Wait, how the hell do you have 2 tokens left and I have 8?! Where the hell are your Vikings fucking, to populate that much of the fjords?"

Me: *joking misogynistic mansplaining stance, ala very poor Bruce Campbell impersonation*
"Babe, we're fucking Vikings. Literally. We don't need a stupid fuck hut. We conquer, we pillage, we farm, and we fuck whoever, whenever, and wherever we like. Babies just fly out of vaheenas when confronted by Thor's hammer. You worship false gods and your score is proof of your heresy to Odin."

GF: "Whatever. Get Dungeonquest out so I can laugh at how horribly you die."

Lol, crayons hits upon something interesting... what do you suppose is the gaming phrase that we’ve heard the most as a group? What phrase has the most commonality. You can’t answer « your turn » cuz it has to be something game-unique and specific.

I wonder if it’s « sheep for anything? »

I've got wood

« Checkmate »

This happened last month during Dungeon Degenerates. Warning: slightly tasteless.

"Is she taking a shit?"

My friend owns an esoteric bookstore/ artspace in downtown Seattle. After hours we sometimes gather there to game. Anyway, some 20-something girl decides to take a dump right there in the street across the intersection from us. Her friend was standing there trying to cover up the business but it wasn't working. There's a huge homeless problem up there right now but these gals didn't look homeless. I guess they just had to poop in a really busy metropolitan intersection. You're wondering why we are watching this but it was this train wreck type situation and we were a little buzzed so it was amusing.

"So, I added three farms, so I can finally get points for all these sheep and yaks....and they don't score this round or the last *thunk*" Isle of Skye

*whispered* Attack Uncle Wade. ~ My five year old niece three weeks ago....And everyone else since then.