Conan Remake

www.imdb.com/title/tt0816462/

I saw earlier tonight they are remaking Conan.

My questions are:

how much can this possibly suck?

and

how much are those of us that grew up on the old one going to hate it and bitch about it?

My immediate answers would be.

It is going to suck big monkey balls.

and

Very much.


Other than milking the Conan teet, my question is why? There are so many other good fantasy novels out there that could deserve some motion picture love but yet they have to go to the same wells.

I'm willing to hold out hope for this. The first Conan movie was increible but part two sucked balls. The thing is though that neither of them really capture the character form the original stories and it would be cool if they did that right. It could also give fantasy a good shot in the arm if it's good and encourage people to look at fantasy beyond the LOTR universe, which is a much more pretentious, high magic world then the Sword and Socerey world that Conan inhabits.

I hope they make him hairy though, I've seen pictures of the guy they chose for the lead and he is a hairless model type dude... I want a gruff hairy barbarian. I'm thinking it would be cool if they found someone who looks rough around the edges like the dude in the Lone Wolf and Cub movies... now that was great casting!

Mr MOTO wrote:

It is going to suck big monkey balls.

and

Very much.

QFT

If it is a story written by Howard, it has a chance. If it's written by someone else in the "Howard" style. It'll suck.

Can't be much worse than the D&D movie, so I'll at least go see it.

I'm looking forward to some embarrassing moments though when casual friends are all like "hey, aren't you way into fantasy, that Conan movie is a real sack of dicks you weirdo."

MattLoter wrote:

Can't be much worse than the D&D movie, so I'll at least go see it.

I'm looking forward to some embarrassing moments though when casual friends are all like "hey, aren't you way into fantasy, that Conan movie is a real sack of dicks you weirdo."

I was working for my dad's construction company when the first Conan movie came out. I was only 16, but I lied about my age to get a union card. And I told the guys that I was getting rides to and from work from my dad because I had a DWI. Anyway, I was very surprised that every single redneck on that work crew saw Conan on opening weekend. They had a very lively discussion about it over lunch the following Monday, but the general consensus was that they all liked it.

I'm an optomist. Hopefully Conan will be entertaining enough to make more.

Steve"What is best in life? Destroy your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women"Avery

I hope they'll cast Jack Black.

Here's my vote of no confidence. The director attached to it is Marcus Nispel, who's made nothing but absolute shit. His entire career is like a mountain of shit, which he sits atop and peers down over Hollywood. The TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake, for example. And PATHFINDER, which was actually unwatchable.

Apparently Conan has been cast, it's some dude that was in Baywatch and Stargate.

Genre film is just about the most creatively bankrupt form of entertainment out there today. There are outliers, but by and large, genre films more and more are overstylized garbage with no real sense of imagination or wonder. All the creative teams that WOULD have been working in film in the 1970s and 1980s are now working in video games- which is why games at this point are telling better stories than genre film is.

Odds are this movie will be overstylized and pumped up to ridiculous proportions. I'll look just like 300, and every single frame will be slathered over with digital color correction and fake sets. The trailer will have some pumped up nu-metal shit in it, and probably lots of slow motion.

I honestly don't give a fucking shit about this, and I love Conan. The first film stands as the best cinema example of the stories, for better or worse.

Michael Barnes wrote:

Odds are this movie will be overstylized and pumped up to ridiculous proportions. I'll look just like 300, and every single frame will be slathered over with digital color correction and fake sets. The trailer will have some pumped up nu-metal shit in it, and probably lots of slow motion.

If they do that, it's going to be a hit.

JonJacob wrote:

The thing is though that neither of them really capture the character form the original stories

Why?

Did you see there is a Solomon Kane movie? I watched the trailer and it doesn't look like he fights much evil/monsters. Instead he's cast as a mercenary whose soul has been condemned to hell. Does that sound like the Kane stories? I haven't read any but I got the impression he was a fanatical pilgrim who fights witches and demons.

Michael Barnes wrote:

Here's my vote of no confidence. The director attached to it is Marcus Nispel, who's made nothing but absolute shit. His entire career is like a mountain of shit, which he sits atop and peers down over Hollywood. The TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake, for example. And PATHFINDER, which was actually unwatchable.

Apparently Conan has been cast, it's some dude that was in Baywatch and Stargate.

Genre film is just about the most creatively bankrupt form of entertainment out there today. There are outliers, but by and large, genre films more and more are overstylized garbage with no real sense of imagination or wonder. All the creative teams that WOULD have been working in film in the 1970s and 1980s are now working in video games- which is why games at this point are telling better stories than genre film is.

Odds are this movie will be overstylized and pumped up to ridiculous proportions. I'll look just like 300, and every single frame will be slathered over with digital color correction and fake sets. The trailer will have some pumped up nu-metal shit in it, and probably lots of slow motion.

I honestly don't give a fucking shit about this, and I love Conan. The first film stands as the best cinema example of the stories, for better or worse.

Yeah... gotta agree wiht Mike on this one. This has got shitbrick written all over it.

metalface13 wrote:

Did you see there is a Solomon Kane movie? I watched the trailer and it doesn't look like he fights much evil/monsters. Instead he's cast as a mercenary whose soul has been condemned to hell. Does that sound like the Kane stories? I haven't read any but I got the impression he was a fanatical pilgrim who fights witches and demons.

Puritan, not pilgrim. Otherwise you're correct. None of the stories have his soul condemned to hell; he just hates evil SO GODDAMNED MUCH THAT IT HAS TO DIE. Which works for me, but I guess not Hollywood.