Conan Remake

Genre film is just about the most creatively bankrupt form of entertainment out there today. There are outliers, but by and large, genre films more and more are overstylized garbage with no real sense of imagination or wonder.

This seems like a pretty jaded sentiment to me. When has this not been the case with genre stuff? I seriously doubt this new movie will be any good, but it'll probably be no worse than The Beastmaster, Red Sonja, Krull, or Masters of the Universe. The crap has always outnumbered the good stuff with these kinds of films.

All the creative teams that WOULD have been working in film in the 1970s and 1980s are now working in video games- which is why games at this point are telling better stories than genre film is.

This based on any sort of evidence, or are you just making an assumption here? I think games are telling stories better, but I'm not sure they're telling better stories. Maybe I'm missing all these awesome video game scripts with great writing, but from where I'm sitting, they're still telling basically the same stories movies and games have been for a while now. The only real difference now is that the graphics allow a greater sense of immersion, which I suppose allows you to empathize more with your protagonist.

The more I'm thinking about this the more bummed I am that it's gonna suck balls. I looked up the dude playing Conan and I am hopeful he's at least good cause he's playing Kahl Drogo in the Song of Ice and Fire miniseries.

Anyone remember the Crown of Iron? That was getting tossed around like maybe 10 years ago with Conan being kinda older and still played by Arnold and him after he became a king and such? It seemed like that could have been awesome given what I remember of the story and who was involved. I think AICN was all over it at the time.

MattLoter wrote:

The more I'm thinking about this the more bummed I am that it's gonna suck balls. I looked up the dude playing Conan and I am hopeful he's at least good cause he's playing Kahl Drogo in the Song of Ice and Fire miniseries.

While I think Jason Momoa is a pretty cool actor, and would play a cool Kahl. When I picture Conan(with jet black hair and blue on blue eyes man of the north) I don't picture him as the archetypal Celtic looking Cimmerian. Maybe Hyrkanian, like Bartatua.

To satisfy modern audiences, the new Conan, after getting his family killed, will first of all go off and cry a little and after that dye his hair black and buy a striped T-shirt. They can keep the part about growing up as a slave in a crude and brutal society, because everyone can sympathize with that, especially spoilt white middle-class teenagers. Upon meeting the red-haired woman, Conan will at first be too shy to talk to her, but they'll exchange chastity rings after all. Conan won't be wielding a greatsword but a katana and he will use it not against cultist praying to some serpent god but against Al-Qaeda. His sidekick will have to be black.

Schweig! wrote:

To satisfy modern audiences, the new Conan, after getting his family killed, will first of all go off and cry a little and after that dye his hair black and buy a striped T-shirt. They can keep the part about growing up as a slave in a crude and brutal society, because everyone can sympathize with that, especially spoilt white middle-class teenagers. Upon meeting the red-haired woman, Conan will at first be too shy to talk to her, but they'll exchange chastity rings after all. Conan won't be wielding a greatsword but a katana and he will use it not against cultist praying to some serpent god but against Al-Qaeda. His sidekick will have to be black.

Holy crap! I smell some Academy Awards!

The perfect Conan movie has already been made. Who cares about this?
No one in hollywood today compares to Millius, so I can't see anyone making a better conan flick.

I love the Conan stories but none of the movies were good. I remember seeing the original and at nearly the same time, Lee Horsely in The Sword and the Sorcerer: and the latter film was far more entertaining. Not as quotable as the Conan film, but certainly more fun.

I actually like the 2nd Conan film a little better cause it had some magic involved, a battle with some cool enemies including a wakened god. Hey, and they used a little Rogues in the House storyline.

Still, I look forward to this. (But I look more forward to John Carter of Mars).
Zev

Leave it to Zev to bring back THE SWORD AND THE SORCEROR! I saw that when I was little in the theater...MAN ALIVE, what a cool movie. There's a freaking FOUR BLADED SWORD in it.

I liked it because it was really pretty dark, kind of more Frazetta than Howard. Cheaply made, unfortunately, but a good S&S flick. Makes a good double feature with THE BEASTMASTER or KRULL.

Michael Barnes wrote:

There's a freaking FOUR BLADED SWORD in it.

Four bladed ROCKET sword....important detail.

Still, I look forward to this. (But I look more forward to John Carter of Mars).
Zev

So thats 2 for

and how many against?

You guys are just hat3rs!
Steve"strapped to the tree of WOE"Avery

Another crappy old S&S movie we rented back in the 80's was The Archer. Don't remember much about it, except that it ended on a "we're planning a sequel" note because they didn't kill the big baddie. I never hear anyone talk about this one anyways, so it's probably best forgotten.

John Carter of Mars - wasn't there an old SPI game based on that ?

One of the earliest AT games I ever played was the old Buck Rogers game. Not bad for its day IIRC, it probably wouldn't hold up well nowadays.

Sound like we need a comprehensive list. 80's fantasical wonderment.

Conan The Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
Red Sonja
Clash of the Titans
Labyrinth
Return to OZ
Sword and the Sorcerer
Krull
Legend
Dragonslayer
Dark Crystal
Beastmaster
Erik the Viking
Highlander
Willow
Excalibur
Time Bandits
Baron Munchhausen
Never Ending Story
Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
Fire and Ice
The Black Cauldron
The Flight of Dragons
The Last Unicorn

Then it get gross at this point.

MWChapel wrote:

Sound like we need a comprehensive list. 80's fantasical wonderment.

Conan The Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
Red Sonja
Clash of the Titans
Labyrinth
Return to OZ
Sword and the Sorcerer
Krull
Legend
Dragonslayer
Dark Crystal
Beastmaster
Erik the Viking
Highlander
Willow
Excalibur
Time Bandits
Baron Munchhausen
Never Ending Story
Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
Fire and Ice
The Black Cauldron
The Flight of Dragons
The Last Unicorn
Heavy Metal

Then it get gross at this point.

Where is IRONMASTER? How about BARBARIAN QUEEN? No love for HAWK THE SLAYER or ATOR THE FIGHTING EAGLE? I can't help but notice that YOR, THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE is also missing, as well as BARBARIANS, directed by Ruggero "CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST" Deodato. And CONQUEST, directed by Lucio Fulci.