Secret Satan 2016 Results!

The only excuse for noncompliance is if you are currently institutionalized or incarcerated as a result of your SS gift.

I've always come out of SS satisfied with some nice stuff. But this is the first time I'm actually overwhelmed by what has been gifted to me.

Then I picked up the third parcel this morning

Apparently this year I drew the EXTRA lucky ticket.

Pics tomorrow

Lost for words right now.

Satan, you know who you are. YOU KICK ASS BIGLY

I told you two weeks ago, that my Secret Satan had been very kind and scarily knowledgeable about my wishes. The third package arrived a week ago, but since I wasn't home I had to pick it up at a post office. To which I only came around yesterday.



After all the goodness that had been my share already, I was surprised at the size of the package, although the weight was bearable.Arriving home I left it to unpack my groceries and the set upon the box with a knife.

The packing foam was familiar, but what it uncovered was frankly breathtaking. First, up popped an expansion for Blood Rage, so my thought was that the all-knowing Satan had picked up my interest in the game and wanted to tease me. Colour my surprise as more expansions followed, and finally, the basic game.



That had me stunned, because this was shaping up as no ordinary gift and I had no clue why Satan would have reason to reward me so richly.

Still unbelieving I tried to make sure that there was nothing else hidden in the box before I stashed it away. And colour my surprise several shades deeper as another package turned up, carrying Dungeon Crawl Classic RPG plus an extra adventure, as well as the rule book for Congo, a miniatures game by the same people that brought us Muskets & Tomahawks and Saga.



Satan is keenly aware of my interest in slavery and will have noticed when I expressed my doubts about playing a game with slave traders and which depicts the opening up of the Congo to the merciless exploitation of its people by the Belgian king Leopold as described in Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. I read the book last summer on the train to London, as Satan seems to recollect.



Also, I have recently been gifted with a copy from a German geographical magazine from 1872, with an account of Livingstone's research into the origins of the Nile. It has me salivating. Satan must be roaring with laughter putting this ethical dilemma before me.

And I hadn't even reach the bottom yet. Satan's final revenge. After all he goodness, there was this...



Yes, that is Knizia's Modern Art. A game which I revile and abhor. So much so that I had given it away having never played it. Okay, so I won a game recently ; that doesn't make me like it! Apparently there's no getting rid of this steaming turd of a game. Perhaps giving it away is being too nice. Maybe stronger measures are called for...

There are no words to express my appreciation to Satan for going the length he did to spy on me to bring me such generous packages. I am absolutely overwhelmed by it.

After some meddling by customs, my international Deceiver's parcel arrived. I was unsure of what to expect...



After running the bomb sniffing dog around the box, I opened it to find a bunch of ominous notes.

...with hilarious reverse sides...




Inside were a great deal of boxes...starting with CONAN! Except Conan was not Conan.

Instead, the Conan box was filled with what I can only assume was one piece from every single game ever listed on BGG...and some random food items that I can only assume Customs "confiscated"




But in reality, there was a ton of games inside, many of which were really cool looking!

And

It's as if I had gotten the best of all KS games! I mean, that dice game is the gold standard: it has downloadable rules with 900 variants and it's only pieces are off-the-shelf dice! WHAT A FUCKING SCORE!

There was also this really, truly awesome game whose rules are entirely written in Dutch (Flemish?) but I adore it because the art reminds me of one of my favorite comics, Ralph Snart




But beneath all of this was one of my all time fave war games!!!




I must've been a very good lad to not only get that, but get it and none of the bits were tossed into the Conan box!

On top of that, I got this:


A legit copy of Excalibur! I've never played it but I can't wait. Arthurian legend? War? Fucking Guinevere? Hells bells!

I also got an expansion box for Chaos in the Old World! And by box, I mean JUST THE BOX. (LMAO)

The Lost Legacy cards were in the Conan box, along with a bunch of random Jyhad and some other TCG that I can't identify as of yet. Sadly, I have had no time to do shit since I'm still remodeling the basement.

But wait! There's more!


The French Revolution! I plan to see this through with my daughter, as she's a huge fan of Le Mís. Maybe I can get her back into wargaming (she quit on me after a 6 hour epic game of Conquest of the Empire).

There was also a game in the Conan box which appears to be a tile laying game. It must have fifty million pieces. There's even a jigsaw puzzle to it ( I think )

There's more, I'll have to add photos after I unfuck this box. It will literally take me longer to seperate than I've played board games this year!

The thing that was most truly evil was that the Conan box has cards and some tokens, and even a map, but no rules or miniatures. I was dying of anticipation. As I neared the bottom of the box, feverishly sniffing for traces of VOC's in the hopes of seeing little, offensive, racist, misogynistic plastic people, IT WAS ALL A LIE! A HORRIBLE LIE!!

I laughed so hard when I realized what Satan had done. Truly the vile king of tormentors.

All the best to my particular, personal Satan for his good humor, truly kind gifts, and his commitment to being a massive dick with regard to the sea of pieces all in one box.

Thanks, 'Bub!

SPACE GHOST, PAGING SPACE GHOST TO THE RESULTS THREAD!

I'll get things rolling by sharing the comic I included in the second of the two bundles of joy he received from me.

Oh here, we go. I received some packages from around the land this time. Enjoy the display

This nice book by Stan Lee came on its own. I'm a sucker for anything to read...


This thing looks absolutely wretched -- truly forged in the pits of despair.




Some packaging material that I had to immediately recycle.

This little gem has been placed on my office table for students to read


This beauty is hanging on my wall



He has now taken a prominent place in my office between Walter Peck and Space Ghost.

A terrible Charles Manson CD and some more literature


Once Upon A Time -- I have never had a chance to play this, but I think that my 5 year old is going to love it. Most of our time is spent making up stories, so this should be wonderful


Oh, How Thy Tempt Me. I have waffled on getting rid of my MTG cards (dating back to Revised, P9 and all) or going full in again. So far, I have held at a stasis.