Let's Talk...Facebook

So, it's come up in the Train thread, but maybe could be split into its own.

Who's still finding use in it? How do you remove/block people gracefully? How do you handle out of control family? Have you found it to overall be a +1 or -1 in your life over the years? Does FB even matter?

My experience with it, both using it and being away from it (but still exposed to it, "did you see what your sister posted??") is that it is a total narcissist playground.

What's that U.K. stat that got notoriety a few years back? More than 50% of divorces had FB playing a material role in the failure of the marriage? It wasn't a problem in mine but I totally get that. It certainly made my ex-wife unhappy on a regular basis (not with me, but with both our families). I remember when we would post up pictures of my little girl and the family would comment on my sister's kid(s) on that same day but nothing at all on our pic. That stuff doesn't bother me but was awful for my ex.

I'd say it was a -ve in my life and I don't miss it.

Within 2 hours of when I got my profile, I received invites from some of the most sociopathic people I know. People read me stuff that some people (that I know well) post and it isn't anything like what they are irl. It's just a total performance. I hate it.

I only joined so I could help support my wife's business. Otherwise, I have no use for it. If I need to keep in contact with someone and I consider them a friend, then I will either call them or email their personal account. If I want to share pictures of my kids, then I would text them to my mom or brother (although, this is a bit of a cop out because my wife has an account).

I think the studies that Barney references are spot on -- for the most part, they decrease happiness in people. Rarely does anyone say, "You know, I am much happier now that I just read facebook for the past 20 minutes." I will also second the rampant narcissism.

Mr. White wrote: So, it's come up in the Train thread, but maybe could be split into its own.

Who's still finding use in it? How do you remove/block people gracefully? How do you handle out of control family? Have you found it to overall be a +1 or -1 in your life over the years? Does FB even matter?

Dropped it a couple of years ago. They mishandled some privacy invasion stuff and I got out of there. I miss talking hip hop with some long-lost cousins, but that's about it. I still email and call the folks I care about. Mostly annoyed by it now when games and services have SSO for it.

Clearly FB does not matter. But there are a few things I've done to help myself out. If someone is pissing me off I just go to their page and 'unfollow' this way I'm still technically 'friends' with them but I no longer see their posts unless it's to a specific thread. I also now have no problems deleting comments on my own threads. I used to feel bad about this but now I figure that I don't need the aggravation and I don't want my family to see it. Example, I posted last month that I was getting a little sick of star wars and one of my musician friends, a good guy really, posted back 'you're a dirty fucking whore' so I deleted it immediately. I don't need my father or grandma to see that.

I mainly use it to post random thoughts I want to keep track of, music I like, band promotion stuff and more than anything, family photo's. It will continue to be great for the family stuff but sometimes I think I screwed up. I should have two accounts, one for band stuff and random things and another for just family. Still, I make do with the one and it's ok.

I have instituted a couple of rules. When I'm with my kids (even family and friends too) I cannot go on FB at all. I can quick post a photo from the phone but I can't check back in on it until they're not around. This is a rule I shouldn't have had to make, but my weaknesses made it necessary. Another is that I'm not allowed to post when I'm at work, another rule that shouldn't be necessary but unfortunately it is.

All in all I think it's a plus one, I mentioned in that other thread that I wrote a song for a fellow musician I know as a FB post and it's one of the best things I've ever done on FB. It was some post he had made about the sorry state of New County and specifically about Luke Bryan. He had said that outlaw country was just 'laying in the gutter strung out on drugs' and some people were pissy about the comment. I said I thought it was funny and I bet it could be a cool song title. Then, in the post, I wrote a quick song as an example and he sent back a recorded version that I quickly laid down some other instruments on...




I'd like to do more of that and him and I have planned on it plus we've organized a show together as a tribute to Townes Van Zandt as well. I've also met some other musicians that I now play with or at least do shows with and that is pretty awesome. So I think it can be a plus one if you implement some simple rules, stick to them, and find a way to make it work for you. I know that I'd miss seeing you on there (even though it's rare to see you on there) and I'd miss those brief little conversations we had on PM too. But ultimately I think it is mostly a waste and I know that none of my best friends even have accounts and they seem happier for it.

...ah wait, I think I do fall into that stat in the end. I was showing our girl a game on my ex's iPad when this FB message came in from her sister. Basically saying that her and our girl would be much happier and better off if I was dead. So I asked my ex about it and it led to a conversation that had her asking for a separation.

fock that FB noise. Ugh, I hate reliving these moments.

To add to this, overall, I think it is a negative for society. It allows people to carefully construct a "bubble" of people that only agree with them -- which often times just reinforces their views. In turn, I think this leads to less open-mindedness to different ideas or viewpoints, which ultimately stifles individual growth. It is just another component in the dumbing down of society that is further amplified through the creation and reinforcement of divisions (most of which center around politics -- probably more of a problem in the US than in other countries).

Further, it creates a false notion of what a "friend" is and degrades true face-to-face friendships. I think it is leading to less tolerance among real friends, and making people seek the internet as a refuge where they find self-worth.

Space Ghost wrote: To add to this, overall, I think it is a negative for society. It allows people to carefully construct a "bubble" of people that only agree with them -- which often times just reinforces their views. In turn, I think this leads to less open-mindedness to different ideas or viewpoints, which ultimately stifles individual growth. It is just another component in the dumbing down of society that is further amplified through the creation and reinforcement of divisions (most of which center around politics -- probably more of a problem in the US than in other countries).

Further, it creates a false notion of what a "friend" is and degrades true face-to-face friendships. I think it is leading to less tolerance among real friends, and making people seek the internet as a refuge where they find self-worth.

That will continue to be an issue and won't go away by ignoring it. Any new technology takes time for society to digest and we need to think about how it effects us (the medium really is the message). Only by taking part and learning how to use the tool properly can we prepare ourselves for the world as it is will be. For me I know my son will be growing up in this brave new world and I want to learn how to utilize it in the most constructive way possible and to do that I need to take part in a healthy manner. A part of me thinks that I need to stay plugged in a little bit just to learn how to deal with all this stuff so when my son starts coming of age I am able to give him useful advice (and monitor him a bit).

But yes, without a very specific purpose it can be very bad for you.

It can be good for business (see "Chef") but can't possibly be good for society. We're not supposed to live our entire lives in high school.

I deleted my account 6 or 7 years ago and haven't thought about it since. I do have a dummy account with a fake name and zero friends that I use when I click a link that happens to go to Facebook.

My wife browses all the time, but literally literally never posts. She just sees what other people are up to. Like a creeper.

It's a plus for me - I get to stay in touch with a lot of good friends, without much effort - We moved across state 7 years ago and it's been super useful for connecting with our old home circle of friends. I also use it to stay in touch with my (a chosen few) of my ex-WoW buddies and buddettes - I actually have closer relationships with some of those folks than when we were spending 9 hours a week slaying internet dragons together - And it's great for staying in touch with all my ex ccg traveling buddies. Facebook has facilitated meet-ups and phone calls.

Downsides? That kid that you went to elementary school through high school with and still never hung out but you rode the same bus with - He's gonna want to be your friend. Same with every ex-high school girlfriend. And the kid you gave the pink belly to on the soccer team. Also, lots of ex-coworkers.

Here's the deal - they are mostly harmless - say sure - mark them as an "aquaintance" and that will keep them off your feed.

My rules for making Facebook useful and fun:

1. There's a reason they have different levels of relationship - Use that to keep clutter from people you don;t care about off your front page.
2. If someone is filling your feed with stuff you could care less about, there are options to see less or none of them - just click on the posts
3.. If someone is spamming content and is a horrible person that links your name and the name of every person on their friends list - remove your tag, let them know if it's someone you care about (like your aunt or something) that if they do it again you're unfriending them, otherwise just delete them.
4. If someone starts drama in your comments - you have editorial control - nuke them from orbit - and consider unfriending them.
5. Your close friends and close family- mark them as such - You'll get the content from the people you really care about.

EDIT : I Forgot - Unfriending is no big deal - They don't get a message that says - SO AND SO IS NO LONGER YOUR FRIEND>

/Sullivan you should come to Facebook
//Schoenthal's kid is hella cute! Emily should be allowed to compete!
///There's a decktech group.....that sorely needs a Bradford and a Sullivan.

I generally like it, but at first it was just a formality to plug some gigs and such. The night my wife died, though, I couldn't sleep and happened upon Facebook, where I stayed for the next several hours just reading so many people telling stories and saying nice things about her. That was wonderful and showed me the good side of that site, and a way to connect people in a powerful way. She had been more active on FB prior to that, so after that point I became a little more active there, myself.

There's also a support group for my religion on FB that I find very helpful as a place to discuss and vent about things. I suppose that could exist on a web forum or something, but having it on FB is nice.

I travel a lot, so it's an easy way to connect with friends and family around the world.

Yeah, you get the dumb memes and bloviating political stuff (from all sides), but you also get funny memes and some thoughtful posts and articles.

Btw, if anyone wants to connect there, look up "Eric Herman West Richland."

To follow up Boothwah, as an alternative to unfriending, you can also just "unfollow." The person remains your friend and you can always click on their name to see what they're up to, but their posts won't show up in your feed.

Booth, I was on that Decktech group for like a week before dropping it. Inside of that week, I had to block Jedi Genius. It helped cement the reasons I'm not on FB

I first got on in spring of 2003 when there were only about 20 super nerdy schools on it, and you had to have an e-mail from one of them to be on. It was basically a way to see how many people you knew went to Ivy League schools. We'd add just about anyone that we met on campus in class or a party to it, so I soon hand two or three hundred "friends." People would carefully craft their list of interests "Movies: Pulp Fiction, Memento... Zoolander", but pretty much the only functionality was to take and post pictures, messages, poke people, and make your profile. The groups function was just a way to keep track of stupid inside jokes, like "the waffle fry appreciation club" or similar nonsense. Lots of gay guys and straight girls were in a group called "I Heart Penis," etc. With the pictures I had to find a friend who had a digital camera to get something set up. Even when I got a cell phone it was one of those flip things. The majority of my friends list is probably still from this period, at least the ones that haven't dropped me. I haven't really gone through and culled my list myself. I have a strict no-games, no FB apps policy, because all of that seemed to go against what it originally was.

After college I kind of took a big step back from it. From about 2007-2011 I hardly used it at all. I moved into a new place with a couple friend around then so we used it to set up parties and invite people. I think it's still a very useful tool for that, but I hardly check FB at all anymore, and I'm not as into hosting parties either.