ZOMBIE STATE (fka BGG > F:AT)

Schweig! wrote:

The Polar DEW has just warned that
A nuclear rocket scrotum strike of
At least one thousand megatons
Has been launched by the enemy
Directly at our major cities.
This announcement will take
Two and a quarter minutes to make,
You therefore have a further
Eight and a quarter minutes
To comply with the scrotum shelter
Requirements published in the Civil
Defence Code - section Atomic Scrotum Attack.
A specially shortened Mass
Will be broadcast at the end
Of this announcement -
Protestant and Jewish services
Will begin simultaneously -
Select your wavelength immediately
According to instructions
In the Defence Code. Do not
Take well-loved pets (including birds)
Into your Scrotum shelter - they will consume
Fresh air. Leave the old and bed-
Ridden, you can do nothing for them.
Remember to press the sealing
Switch when everyone is in
The Scrotum shelter. Set the radiation
Aerial, turn on the Geiger barometer.
Turn off your television now.
Turn off your radio immediately
The services end. At the same time
Secure scrotum explosion plugs in the ears
Of each member of your family. Take
Down your plasma flasks. Give your children
The scrotum pills marked one and two
In the C D green container, then put
Them to bed. Do not break
The inside airlock seals until
The radiation All Clear shows
(Watch for the cuckoo in your
Perspex panel), or your District
Scrotum Touring Doctor rings your bell.
If before this your air becomes
Exhausted or if any of your family
Is critically injured in the scrotal region, administer
The capsules marked 'Valley Forge'
(Red pocket in No 1 Survival Kit)
For painless death. (Catholics
Will have been instructed by their priests
What to do in this eventuality.)
This announcement is ending. Our scrotum President
Has already given orders for
Massive Scrotal retaliation - it will be
Decisive. Some of us may die.
Remember, statistically
It is not likely to be you.
All Scrotum flags are flying fully dressed
On Government buildings - the sun is shining.
Death is the least we have to fear.
We are all in the hands of God,
Whatever happens happens by His will.
Now go quickly to your Scrotum shelters.

There ya go, ya happy?

Ska_baron wrote:

WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL ZOMBIE THREAD?!

Here, maybe this will help:

www.craigslist.org/about/best/bji/1587347039.html

Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner

Date: 2010-02-05, 11:52AM CST

"SWF seeks SWM who enjoys farming, zoo keeping and serious preparation for zombie invasion for friendship, LTR and possible marriage. Must be willing to wear a kilt and own his own broadsword.

Must be down to earth kind of guy, no prior convictions, not subject to any criminal investigations. I will look you up on the state access database so don't bother lying about it. Am D/D free, you be too

Must hold liberal political views, while still supporting gun ownership, hunting and private land rights.

No racists, homophobes, or fundamentalists. No Jehova Witnesses or Mormons.

Must love dogs and be approved by my dogs. Must be able to ride a horse and allow me to spend large amounts of time with my animals without complaint. Must take me fishing and buy me a pint now and then. You can go out with your buddies too, I am not the jealous sort. But, you better be home each night in case the zombie invasion begins.

I am a strong, intelligent country woman who can drive anything, haul 10 gallons of water to animals at a time, butcher a deer and run a trot line. Country folk will survive.

Shellhead wrote:

Ska_baron wrote:

WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL ZOMBIE THREAD?!

Here, maybe this will help:

www.craigslist.org/about/best/bji/1587347039.html

Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner

Date: 2010-02-05, 11:52AM CST

"SWF seeks SWM who enjoys farming, zoo keeping and serious preparation for zombie invasion for friendship, LTR and possible marriage. Must be willing to wear a kilt and own his own broadsword.

Must be down to earth kind of guy, no prior convictions, not subject to any criminal investigations. I will look you up on the state access database so don't bother lying about it. Am D/D free, you be too

Must hold liberal political views, while still supporting gun ownership, hunting and private land rights.

No racists, homophobes, or fundamentalists. No Jehova Witnesses or Mormons.

Must love dogs and be approved by my dogs. Must be able to ride a horse and allow me to spend large amounts of time with my animals without complaint. Must take me fishing and buy me a pint now and then. You can go out with your buddies too, I am not the jealous sort. But, you better be home each night in case the zombie invasion begins.

I am a strong, intelligent country woman who can drive anything, haul 10 gallons of water to animals at a time, butcher a deer and run a trot line. Country folk will survive.

Fat chicks already break rule #1: Cardio.

Shellhead wrote:

Ska_baron wrote:

WHAT HAVE YOU ALL DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL ZOMBIE THREAD?!

Here, maybe this will help:

www.craigslist.org/about/best/bji/1587347039.html

Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner

Date: 2010-02-05, 11:52AM CST

"SWF seeks SWM who enjoys farming, zoo keeping and serious preparation for zombie invasion for friendship, LTR and possible marriage. Must be willing to wear a kilt and own his own broadsword.

broadsword? for pansies! How about a Two-Handed Great Sword!

I chose a bastard sword because there is the flexibility of wielding it one- or two-handed. Also, I just like to say the word bastard.

Jack Hooligan wrote:

broadsword? for pansies! How about a Two-Handed Great Sword!

Those dudes in the video are taking the phrase "pork sword" too literally.

Jesus Christ. They're not just going to waste all that pork, are they?

best part of that video was apparently they stuffed the boots full of meat.

Those dudes in the video are taking the phrase "pork sword" too literally.

Jesus Christ. They're not just going to waste all that pork, are they?

best part of that video was apparently they stuffed the boots full of meat.

100% Pure internets Gold.


Admins please change thread to read:

BGG [insert "ASS RAPED BY" symbol] FAT!

Dr_Mabuse wrote:

BGG [insert "ASS RAPED BY" symbol] FAT!

I'm not sure I got it quite right.

Mad Dog wrote:

Dr_Mabuse wrote:

BGG [insert "ASS RAPED BY" symbol] FAT!

I'm not sure I got it quite right.

They had to spell it out for the Power Grid retards.

No, the best part was when they popped a balloon with it! OMG!!!

I no longer have any clue what is happening in this thread. Luckily though I am greatly amused by whatever it is! CARRY ON PEASANTS!

Ska_baron wrote:

I no longer have any clue what is happening in this thread. Luckily though I am greatly amused by whatever it is! CARRY ON PEASANTS!

This thread has made me more aware of the dangers of Atomic Scrotum Attacks. For that, I am grateful.

Shellhead wrote:
" Here, maybe this will help:
www.craigslist.org/about/best/bji/1587347039.html
Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner"
I wish to passively-aggressively complain to the admins that you didn't post this in the "The Regulars" thread. Also that you should have asked our local stud, Steve "El Grande" Avery, to recommend better fetishist dating websites.

Jack Hooligan wrote:
" broadsword? for pansies! How about a Two-Handed Great Sword!
"
An unfit, overweight Eurogamer tries to look AT. I couldn't watch more than thirty seconds.

Juniper wrote:
" This thread has made me more aware of the dangers of Atomic Scrotum Attacks. For that, I am grateful."
I hope you're stockpiling plenty of tinfoil jock straps in preparation for the Radioactive Zombie Apocalypse.